I am currently in the middle of a hardcore marathon of Grey’s Anatomy. Besides ruining my anniversary, I’m finding that Grey’s is a wonderful source of inspiration for relationship topics.
I’m in the middle of Season 2 and Addison and McDreamy are trying to work through her infidelity. She argues that it was simply a ploy for attention. They are both high profile surgeons trying to balance life and work, and the affair was simply a sign of an imbalance.
It got me thinking. How do we manage our time between our careers and our personal life, especially when we’re married?
When you’re dating the lines seem to be a little clearer. There are designated date nights and goodbye kisses on the porch. What about after tying the knot? Or even just moving in together. And this other person is there all. the. time.
This other person’s constant presence, seeing them in the morning, eating dinner with them, and the check-in phone calls all create this illusion that you’re spending time together. There is a difference between spending time around your spouse and spending time with your spouse.
Balancing work and life is hard for everyone. And it’s especially hard for married couples. And it’s even harder for married Millenials. Because Millenials a) think they can do everything and b) love to stay busy.
Here’s a nice guide to making time for your spouse:
Spend at least 15 minutes a day talking.
Spend one evening a week together, also known as the “date night”.
Spend one weekend a month with each other.
Spend one week a year on a vacation. Just the two of you.
Make time.
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“There is a difference between spending time around your spouse and spending time with your spouse.”
And that sums up much of what I’ve been thinking about lately. Ryan and I actually do see each other quite often even though we’re both really busy. But like last night at kickball, we didn’t actually spend time WITH each other. This is where I get frustrated. But we already discussed planning a night each week where we know it will just be us – the date night. He had suggested it many, many times but I resisted (relationships should be fun, spontaneous, no planning!), but finally caved. This week was the first time we did it. Working out well so far.
Rebecca, I’m with you about relationships being fun and spontaneous. I don’t want to be another item on the “to do” list (no pun intended. heh.),and at the same time date nights are a great way to make each other a priority. Which is just as important as spontaneity.
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