Unless you are living under a rock, you’ve probably caught an episode or two of Glee, Fox’s latest hit.
If you’re a fan of Glee then you’re undoubtedly caught up in the drama of Will and Terri’s marriage.
It’s crazy.
Will’s the Glee teacher and Terri is his “pregnant” wife. And “pregnant” is in quotes because she’s so NOT pregnant. It’s a strap-on belly. And it still boggles my mind how he hasn’t figured this out yet.
I’m guessing she’s faking this pregnancy because she’s convinced her marriage depends on it. In her mind, Will wouldn’t be with her if it wasn’t for this baby.
So here’s Terri hiding this pitiful secret. A secret that we know she can’t keep forever. A secret that she believes she has to keep for the sake of her marriage.
And on some level we’re watching her and shaking our heads. How silly to think this might work. And how sad that you can’t trust your husband and marriage enough to be honest.
Now I have to ask…
Are you hiding from the person you love? Are you operating out of the false belief that if I show my partner this part of me I will lose their love/respect/commitment?
We laugh at Terri because her scenario is so outrageous. But what about the small lies? What about when you lie about the number of people you’ve slept with? Or when you say you love science fiction even when you thought R2D2 was a trashcan? Or when you say you spent $50 at Bass Pro Shop and you really spent $150?
Most of the lies we tell are born out of the fear that our partner can’t handle the truth. Decide this week to end that fear. Have a conversation this week about what motivates each of you to lie, what makes you afraid of telling the truth? Are there certain areas you’re more prone to lie about? Is there something your partner does (a tone of voice, a facial expression, a stated belief) that confirms your belief that if they knew “the truth” your relationship would be over?
The truth won’t necessarily be easy, but it is necessary.
{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post. I love Glee—when scenarios are exaggerated and outrageous, they really make us think. We just have to scale them back to a real-life level, like you have here.
I actually wrote a post about lies last week, asking the question “Is there such a thing as the simple truth?” I think the fact that we view lying and truth telling as black and white is at the root of the problem. There are so many shades of grey in there, but as a culture we pretend it’s crystal clear. Part of what we need to do, along with telling the truth, is engage in conversations about the complexities of lies and truth-telling, and the fears and emotions that feed those complexities.
Kristin, you’re definitely right about the truth not always being so simple. It’s not always crystal clear. I mean, even looking at my example of being honest about how many people you have slept with, how truthful does that answer have to be before you’ve been honest enough? Does your number need names, number of times, relationship history? Paying attention to the emotions underneath the dishonesty is definitely the most important part of the conversation.
Thank you so much for commenting!
Anyone who reads this should definitely check out Kristin’s post on the topic: http://bit.ly/21wC1K