Here in Nashville we’re being told to conserve water because the floods have taken out one of our water treatment facilities.
(btw, this poster is a great way to show support for Nashville…get yours here)
The first couple of days of the mandated water conservation were kind of a, well, bust. We heard that we should cut our water intake by half but I’m guessing most of us just thought the mayor was talking to… someone else?
At one point our water reserves dipped below 50% which had the city begging us to take them seriously. Cut your water usage, they pleaded.
And Nashville listened.
A week later our reserves have doubled to 88% (keep taking short showers and no car washes quite yet), and I have to say that I’m quite impressed with my fellow Nashvillians. I mean, that was pretty fast and I didn’t hear even a whisper of a complaint.
I’ve been wondering if we will be able to keep it up. If we’d find that it isn’t that unbearable to take 2 minute showers instead of 15 minute ones. Or staying committed long after the flood of 2010 to catching our unused water rather than letting it run down the drain. Would it be possible for this horrible event to produce more water conscious Nashvillians?
And then I started thinking crazy thoughts…
How did we go from halfheartedly listening to becoming water conserving ninjas? More importantly, how could we use the same process to cut down on the criticism, negativity, defensiveness or contempt in a relationship?
Identify the Crisis
Most change happens in response to a crisis. Running out of clean water would have been a pretty big deal and we would have felt the effects immediately. We wanted to avoid that so we turned the faucets off.
What will happen if the criticism and negativity continues in your relationship? Recognizing how your relationship can be affected (breaking up, divorce, being miserable) can be easy motivation to change your behavior.
Define the Desired Behavior
Sam Davidson wrote a great article about what half your water usage actually looked like. It was hard to know whether you were doing a good job cutting back on water when you weren’t really sure how much water you normally used. When people made concrete suggestions (take Navy showers, don’t flush every time someone peed, or hold off on washing clothes for a while) it made it a lot easier to conserve.
You have probably paid the same level of attention to the amount of negativity in your relationship as the amount of water you use while brushing your teeth. Both go relatively unnoticed. Once you start paying attention to where most of the negativity occurs (being annoyed when you walk in from work, grumpiness due to hunger) you’ll be able to decide on concrete behaviors that will make a difference.
Supportive Community
Soon after the flood a rumor started that Metro Nashville would be cutting off water. This rumor caused some people to get scared and fill bath tubs up with water which further drained Nashville’s reserves. It could have easily been a disaster if everyone operated out of this fear because then there really would have been no water. Instead of depleting our water reserves, we calmed down and made jokes about being stinky together.
It’s always easier to change a behavior when we have the support of a group making the same change. Surround yourself with a community that values relationships and wants to curb the criticism, too.
Become a criticism conservation ninja. Today.
