Do you know what I hate most about being married?
It isn’t never getting to go on a blind date (seriously, I wish so much I got to go on one). Or having to fold laundry that I didn’t get dirty. It isn’t having to admit that you might have gone a teeny little bit out of budget in the new shoe category. All of that I can deal with.
It’s that there’s no where to hide. It’s that being married means I signed up to have someone hold a mirror up to me and all of the flaws I spend 78% of my day trying to make sure no one sees. That sucks, people!
See, I’m a brat. I am the oldest and I’m stubborn. I am used to getting my way and I have the uncanny ability to make you feel miserable if I don’t get said way. Much like Spiderman, or whatever superhero said it, I have a great power and with it comes a great responsibility. But sometimes I’m pretty irresponsible.
Most people have no clue. Most people think I’m really sweet and that I smile a lot. Which is true. But that’s because it’s easy to be the person I want you to see when we’re only together for an hour or two.
It’s my husband that sees the brat. He’s the one that deals with tantrums and silent treatments because the bathroom is dirty again.
Yesterday we had a typical marriage fight. We’ll probably be talking about it soon on here. Basically, he interrupted me as I began to share a thought about church. Instead of asking him to let me finish I tore him apart in a way a brat only knows how to do.
I wanted to leave and give up, something I am famous for. Not so much out of drama, but because I’m the kid that needs a new clean piece of paper if they make even one wrong mark. Our marriage was a messed up sheet of paper and I needed to throw it away.
The more I thought about it, I really wanted to leave because I hated what I saw. I hated how I can go from fine to drama in 2.8 seconds. I hate that I could treat someone I love so poorly.
The part of myself I hide on the regular had crept out and opened a can of whoop-ass on someone I loved dearly.
An hour later we had our make up conversation (I seriously do use the Anger Plan), and said our sorries. Here’s what’s funny. Mark had spent his hour feeling bad for interrupting me and not listening to my opinions, something he hates about himself.
Most married people suffer from this. Our frustration from being married don’t always come from someone wronging you. Our frustrations often come from the fact that marriage is one of the most honest pictures we’ll ever see of ourselves. It’s where we let our guard down. It’s a mirror that reflects back who we really are.
That’s scary. But it doesn’t have to be. You can use that mirror to start changing. What behaviors do you regret seeing in yourself? What has your spouse pointed out that, if you’re being honest, you’d agree were problem areas for you?
No one wants to look at how they are contributing to a problem. That’s called being human. But being accountable for what you’ve seen in yourself is called being happily married.
And now some words to live by from Michael Jackson:
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