In honor of the premiere of Bound Together, I am counting down the days Dave Letterman style one day at a time…

10 Reasons You Really Want To Be At Bound Together:

10 – Bound Together will save you money. And not just because you get a $60 discount on your TN marriage license. No, I’m talking bigger picture, People. Getting premarital education decreases the likelihood of getting a divorce by 30%.

That means you’re 30% less likely to file for divorce (which is expensive).

You’re 30% less likely to hate your life because your marriage sucks and happy people make more money.

You’re also 30% less likely to ever have to do any of this wedding stuff over again. Ok, doing the wedding stuff over again would be kind of fun. How about, you’re 30& less likely to have to pay for any of this wedding stuff all over again? Much better.

Bound Together. It’s like money in your pocket.

The Noticer by Andy Andrews is a blend of fiction and personal growth. Jones is ‘The Noticer’ and he basically goes around town helping people gain perspective. Sometimes he does this by reminding people that they are still breathing and should be living. Other time he does this by pointing out that we don’t have forever and rearranging priorities may be important.

I have read enough “personal growth” books to feel bored with the typical style. Andrews’ ability to weave a story into basic wisdom is impressive. Many will be familiar with the advice given, but its new format will open your ears up one more time.

The Noticer proved to be a great relationship book, too. Jones is able to help a couple gain insight into a marital problem that was, in reality, small but felt huge enough to call it quits. He also offers an interesting perspective on asking for forgiveness and what it means to ‘repent’, or turn from your old ways. Forgiveness is such a huge part of repairing a marriage that I believe this book’s ability to bring a fresh and practical understanding of the topic alone makes the book worth a look.

Overall, I really enjoyed the book and it’s ability to dress old wisdom in a new way.

This is great advice, except that it leaves men hanging on what it is they should be doing.  If their gut is chanting, “fix, fix, fix”, but the latest issue of Redbook is warning, “Don’t you dare…” what is a man to do?

Simply listen.  Right?

Well, kind of.  The catch is that if you just listen then odds are we’ll think you don’t care.  Just listening means that you’re being quiet.  Because if you can’t fix her problems there really isn’t anything to say, right?

Wrong.

So, so wrong.

Listen.  For real.
Communication is a game of ‘Catch’, the act of tossing a ball back and forth between two people.  One person has an idea and  this idea is tossed to the other person.  In a game of catch it’s helpful to know that the ball, or idea, has been caught.  How can you let her know that you’ve heard, or caught, what she was saying?  Hint:  Start the sentence with “I hear you saying…” and then repeat back.  Simple.

Empathize
As she’s talking take some time to try to put yourself in her shoes.  How would you feel if were in her place?  If she comes home upset that her boss chewed her out for being late to a very important meeting, how would you feel?  Embarrassed, angry, worried?  Let her know that you understand her feelings.

Part of the importance of empathizing is that it’s just a good relationship skill to have.  The other part is survival.  Because sometimes what’s making her feel like crap is you.  You’ve hurt her feelings.  Or made her mad.  Or frustrated her.  No matter the feeling, it was your fault.  That much is clear.  The longer that you miss this vital point the more she desires to simply make you feel what she is feeling.  If you’re not “getting” that you checking out the waitress made her feel like a dog, then in her irrational state of mind it makes COMPLETE sense to make you feel as bad as she feels.  If you don’t like this part of a typical argument learn to empathize.  Fast.

Guys, it’s more than just not trying to fix her problem.  It’s making sure you hear her heart.

  Assuming you know what your partner is thinking is the first ingredient for relational disaster.

Assuming means you’re crossing a line that you aren’t allowed to cross.  It’s saying that you know what is going on in your partner’s head and heart.  And you don’t.  Unless you ask.

Assuming suggests that you two aren’t communicating so well.  Communication is fundamental for a successful relationship.

9 times out of 10 you’re assuming the worst.  Assuming he’s cheating, instead of assuming he’s telling everyone how amazing you are.  Assuming she only cares about herself, instead of assuming she’d do anything to make you happy if you’d just ask.

If you absolutely HAVE to assume.  Assume the best.  Your partner (probably) deserves the benefit of the doubt.

Alex, what is Marriage?  Wrong.

Try “What is Facebook’s “In a Relationship” status?”  Especially when you’re linked to your love.

Ever since living together lost its sinful nature, the only thing separating the Cohabitants from the Marrieds was the wedding.  The Marrieds made their commitment officially known through a grand introduction to society.  Like a debutante.  Yes, marriage is like a debutante ball for relationships.  You and your partner are saying, “Look at us! We are joining the ’till death do us part’ crowd and we want all of you to know.  And isn’t this a pretty dress?”

And then Facebook came along and turned even the time honored tradition of marriage on its head.  Because who needs a lavish party or $20,000 of debt to let everyone know you’re together?  Now, with just a couple of clicks of the mouse you two lovebirds are essentially married.

Joint Decision
The “In a Relationship” status change is a decision best made together.  It may even be your first big decision as a couple.  Remember, nothing will creep an individual out faster than finding a relationship status change without proper discussion (“He wants to be ‘In a Relationship’?!? What on earth?”).  Just like deciding to get married takes lots of consideration and communication, so does making a status change.

Community Involvement
Blazing your “In a Relationship” status to the entire world is a big deal.  And with Boomers joining  Facebook at record speeds it’s important that whoever you’re linking yourself to relationally be someone you’re fine with bringing home to mom and dad.

Public Humiliation
The Facebook relationship status also sets you up for possible relationship humiliation.  Ok, humiliation is a bit strong.  But if you two decide that you can’t stay together, even for the kids’ sake, people will be reading your business like you’re on the cover of US Weekly.  And everyone will notice because there is nothing more intriguing as relationship status change in the mini-feed.

With living together before marriage being socially acceptable and Facebook making our relationships legitimate in the eyes of our community, has marriage officially become an outdated social construct?