Nashville Marriage Studio

I am currently in the middle of a hardcore marathon of Grey’s Anatomy. Besides ruining my anniversary, I’m finding that Grey’s is a wonderful source of inspiration for relationship topics.

I’m in the middle of Season 2 and Addison and McDreamy are trying to work through her infidelity. She argues that it was simply a ploy for attention. They are both high profile surgeons trying to balance life and work, and the affair was simply a sign of an imbalance.

It got me thinking. How do we manage our time between our careers and our personal life, especially when we’re married?

When you’re dating the lines seem to be a little clearer. There are designated date nights and goodbye kisses on the porch. What about after tying the knot? Or even just moving in together. And this other person is there all. the. time.

This other person’s constant presence, seeing them in the morning, eating dinner with them, and the check-in phone calls all create this illusion that you’re spending time together. There is a difference between spending time around your spouse and spending time with your spouse.

Balancing work and life is hard for everyone. And it’s especially hard for married couples. And it’s even harder for married Millenials. Because Millenials a) think they can do everything and b) love to stay busy.

Here’s a nice guide to making time for your spouse:

Spend at least 15 minutes a day talking.

Spend one evening a week together, also known as the “date night”.

Spend one weekend a month with each other.

Spend one week a year on a vacation. Just the two of you.

Make time.

Here is a Jeopardy answer for you:
Partaking in this sacred ceremony is asking your community, your family and friends, to join you in celebrating your union.  The two of you have decided to make it official and want to share with those nearest and dearest to you.

Alex, what is Marriage?  Wrong.

Try “What is Facebook’s “In a Relationship” status?”  Especially when you’re linked to your love.

Ever since living together lost its sinful nature, the only thing separating the Cohabitants from the Marrieds was the wedding.  The Marrieds made their commitment officially known through a grand introduction to society.  Like a debutante.  Yes, marriage is like a debutante ball for relationships.  You and your partner are saying, “Look at us! We are joining the ’till death do us part’ crowd and we want all of you to know.  And isn’t this a pretty dress?”

And then Facebook came along and turned even the time honored tradition of marriage on its head.  Because who needs a lavish party or $20,000 of debt to let everyone know you’re together?  Now, with just a couple of clicks of the mouse you two lovebirds are essentially married.

Joint Decision
The “In a Relationship” status change is a decision best made together.  It may even be your first big decision as a couple.  Remember, nothing will creep an individual out faster than finding a relationship status change without proper discussion (“He wants to be ‘In a Relationship’?!? What on earth?”).  Just like deciding to get married takes lots of consideration and communication, so does making a status change.

Community Involvement
Blazing your “In a Relationship” status to the entire world is a big deal.  And with Boomers joining  Facebook at record speeds it’s important that whoever you’re linking yourself to relationally be someone you’re fine with bringing home to mom and dad.

Public Humiliation
The Facebook relationship status also sets you up for possible relationship humiliation.  Ok, humiliation is a bit strong.  But if you two decide that you can’t stay together, even for the kids’ sake, people will be reading your business like you’re on the cover of US Weekly.  And everyone will notice because there is nothing more intriguing as relationship status change in the mini-feed.

With living together before marriage being socially acceptable and Facebook making our relationships legitimate in the eyes of our community, has marriage officially become an outdated social construct?