Nashville Marriage Studio

I’m 26 years-old, and I honestly can’t remember being in relationships that didn’t involve The Internet.

My first conversation with who would end up being my first boyfriend was on AOL Instant Messenger.

In college, arguments with the (same) boyfriend were aired for all to see through those wonderful Away Messages (”NumNum007 is away and crying herself to sleep because her boyfriend is a JERK!”… yeah, I was that girl.)

I Googled the man who I would end up marrying before we went on our first date. I told him about it on the third date (”You GOOGLED me!?!… Well, what did you find?”).

I’ve blogged most of my love life. I’ve given my significant other the top spot on my Myspace page and been in every possible relationship status there is (single, in a relationship, it’s complicated, engaged and married).

Not only that, but I’ve watched all of my 20-something friends do the same thing. I know that a relationship is blooming when profile pics go from one person to two. And that a marriage is in trouble when the relationship status disappears from their profile.

For Gen Y social media has always been a part of our love lives, and maybe that’s why I thought it was weird that anyone would need a guide on how to handle Facebook and your marriage.

Most of the advice is pretty standard. Let people know what your relationship status is. Don’t say mean things about your spouse. Use The Internet to say nice things about one another (even though I side more with Project M on this one and think that Internet PDA is kinda awkward).

There was some advice, however, that seemed odd in my opinion. Like, don’t ‘friend’ old flames or former crushes. And to keep your conversation with the opposite sex as public and as minimal as possible. Personally, my high school sweetheart, every guy I dated in college and the boy I had a crush on all through elementary school are all friends of mine on Facebook. I regularly see updates on them in my feed. And? I think it’s ok. I mean, I don’t privately message any of them to get their advice on fights I’m having with my husband, but it’s kinda fun to know how many kids they have or where their job took them.

The other piece of advice was to give each other access to all of your social media accounts. On some level, I respect the transparency. However, I and many of those I asked on Facebook and Twitter wondered where the trust was. This is definitely one of those questions without a right answer and that a couple needs to talk about and agree to. Dorie Morgan gave one of my favorite answers when she suggested, “[we] have each other’s passwords but treat it like having each other’s social security #… emergencies only”.

Has the issue of Facebook, Twitter or email been a problem in your relationship? Are young people just so used to the presence of The Internet in our lives that we don’t think that much of it? Are people who are less familiar with having all of their social interactions available online rightfully cautious? What are The Rules when it comes to The Internet?