Nashville Marriage Studio

Anytime you have a fight with your spouse you run the risk of your heart hardening.  Harsh words and long fights lead to callouses on our relationship, bricks in a wall between you and this person you love.

If you pay attention you can feel it happening.  I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I have taken a time out during a fight and I was left to stew.  How could he treat me this way, I would wonder.  What kind of jerk have I married?  Am I really supposed to spend the rest of my life with this doofus that so does not get me?

I can feel myself, in these moments, becoming selfish.  I can feel the hardness setting in because when we get hurt we need to do whatever it takes to stop the pain, to protect ourselves from hurting.  Hard hearts protect us, but they do nothing good for our relationship, for our bond.

Pay attention during or after your next fight.  Can you feel the defensiveness, the focus on all of your partner’s flaws, the desire not to feel anything?

Now think of all those times your partner has melted your heart.  The way he smiles at your dumb jokes.  Or the first time she farted in front of you and turned 35 shades of red.  The puppy he gave you for your birthday.  The way she hugs you when you walk  in the door.

Those melt your heart moments are one of the best ways to prevent hardened hearts.