Nashville Marriage Studio

I think everyone realizes how important marriage is and is clamoring for a formula on how to make it work.  During graduate school we even received a list of all the variables that make you more likely to get divorced.  Here is a sampling from that list:

• If your parents are divorced.
• If you’ve ever been divorced.
• If you got married too young.
• If you got married too old.
• If you did not complete high school.
• If you have children prior to marriage.
• If you live together prior to marriage.
• If you come from different socioeconomic backgrounds.

The list goes on forever.  It goes on forever because we all want to believe that there is some way, some magic formula, that will guide us towards “Happily Ever After”.

I hate to break it to you, but there is no formula.  And the checklist above boils down to the idea that eHarmony is built on: The more similar a couple is the better their chances of making their relationship work.  And the only reason that is even a little bit true is because a couple that is similar has fewer opportunities to engage in conflict.  Less conflict is less wear and tear on a relationship.  But that’s about it.

Instead of trying to reduce the risk it takes to get married or commit to someone why not work on handling conflict better.  Or develop a better understanding of your partner’s love language.  Listen better.  Give your love the benefit of the doubt.  Kiss her forehead.  Stroke his ego.

Quit trying to make love safe.  It isn’t going to happen.