Nashville Marriage Studio

The Internet is buzzing with the news:

Conan O’Brien Rejects NBC’s Offer.

(gasp)

The debacle that is happening for NBC and their late-night lineup has left many people wondering how the whole thing will play out.  Is Jay getting his show back? Is Conan going to be Palin’s new sidekick on Fox? Will someone, please, figure out how to bring Johnny Carson back from the dead?

We soon realized that Jay would, essentially, be getting The Tonight Show back and many wondered how Conan would take the news. He could have been a diva. He could have claimed it wasn’t fair and hurled insults at NBC.

Except, he didn’t. Conan issued a response filled with respect, disappointment and integrity and The Internet fell even more in love with our favorite dorky, red-head.

After reading his statement about the loss of his show, here are 3 things teaches us about handling conflict with complete class:

Use of I-statements
Conan is in conflict with NBC. In his statement, he uses the word “I” 23 times and “NBC” 5 times. It may not seem important, but this simple tactic(talking about yourself rather than the person you’re in conflict with) is an easy way to remove any trace of an attacking or aggressive stance towards the other person. By talking about his thoughts and feelings, rather than how NBC screwed up or are a bunch of idiots, makes you more open to listening and less defensive.

Focus on the problem at hand
You know how you have those fights that start because someone forgot to put the milk back in the fridge and end as a walk down Memories That Make Me Hate You Lane? Conan had every reason in the world to let NBC know how much they suck. He could have pointed out every way that he has been wronged in the past decade or so. He could have, but he didn’t. Instead he focused solely on the problem at hand, the destruction of The Tonight Show brand and his desire not to  participate. Focusing on one problem at a time decreases confusion and, again, helps all parties feel safe and not attacked.

Touch of humor
Conan ends his statement with,

“I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.”

This may not make you bust a gut with laughter, but it probably made you smile. Sometimes in a conflict we take ourselves and the fight way too seriously. More than likely whatever you two are fighting about isn’t life or death. A lighthearted, slightly self deprecating, joke is always a wonderful way to ease the tension of an argument. It’s also a great way to inject a little positivity into the conversation while still trying to find a solution.

So maybe Conan lost his job as a comedian, but maybe he could try teaching a conflict resolution workshop or two.