by Marie McKinney-Oates on May 5, 2009
Nashville Marriage Studio was created to help Nashville couples design the marriage they’ve always wanted. One way we do this is through premarital counseling. Premarital counseling allows a couple to learn valuable relationship skills, deepen their commitment to the relationship, and increase their confidence as they prepare to walk down the aisle.
As we enter the beginning of the traditional wedding season I will be “doing” premarital counseling with popular fictional couples that we all know and love.
Preparing for marriage requires going in with both eyes wide open. Or at least as open as possible. It is easy to become so in love with the idea of “happily ever after”, especially when planning a wedding, that you lose sight of the reality that you are two imperfect people coming together to form an imperfect union. Knowing what your Relationship Weaknesses are will help you avoid that “caught off-guard” feeling that typically comes with your first marital rough patch.
Carrie and Big have investigated what makes their relationship strong, now let’s take a look at areas where they can expect to struggle.
Emotional Intimacy
Big has emotional intimacy issues. Huge ones. And Carrie, honestly, isn’t much better since she insists on wanting he who is never available. Becoming “too close” scares both of them and they have a habit of sabotaging the relationship so that it will return to a distance they feel comfortable with. This weakness will probably be present in varying degrees for the rest of their relationship. Learning to say “I’m afraid of getting too close”, rather than act out and cause damage, will mitigate this weaknesses effect on their bond.
Infidelity
Lots of cheating went on between Big and Carrie in all its various forms. The rule “Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior” does not disappear after you say “I do”. Their infidelity is rooted in their problems with emotional intimacy, however, its presence decreases the level of trust in their relationship. Low levels of trust make relationships darn near impossible.
Passion
Like anything else, our strengths can also be our weaknesses. Big and Carrie connect so well physically that it can become easy to use it as a sort of crutch. Instead of truly resolving issues they depend on sexual intimacy as a way to feel close to one another. This weakness is tricky since it has it’s healthy side to it as well. Big and Carrie will have to make a point to be very concious of their motivations for seeking out physical connection: are we doing this because we want to be close, or is this our way of avoiding real issues?
If you are a Nashville couple and would like more information on premarital counseling with the Nashville Marriage Studio, please contact me at marie.mckinney@gmail.com.
by Marie McKinney-Oates on May 3, 2009
Nashville Marriage Studio was created to help Nashville couples design the marriage they’ve always wanted. One way we do this is through premarital counseling. Premarital counseling allows a couple to learn valuable relationship skills, deepen their commitment to the relationship, and increase their confidence as they prepare to walk down the aisle.
As we enter the beginning of the traditional wedding season I will be “doing” premarital counseling with popular fictional couples that we all know and love.
Big & Carrie
Mr. Big and Carrie are of Sex and the City fame. He is super wealthy and she is the ultimate fashionista. They are the tortured “on-again, off-again” couple that left us screaming at the television set whenever he pulled that “I can’t commit” junk. Despite all of the drama, however, we were all convinced that they were definitely meant to be.
Guiding Big and Carrie through premarital counseling would begin with determining their Relationship Strengths.
Everyone has relationship strengths, but few couples take time to recognize them. Identifying relationship strengths will help you navigate the hard times with more stability when you can use these strengths as a sort of lifeboat.
Big & Carrie’s Relationship Strengths:
Humor
These two know how to laugh together. They have used their humor to not only have fun together, but they also use it to diffuse the intensity of arguments. Taking time to laugh during a heated conversation can be a very healthy way to connect (as long as it’s done in moderation).
Passion
They were on a show that revolved around the topic of sex. Passion was not a problem for these two. Their shared appetite for physical intimacy is great for their relationship because it is a tried and true path to bonding for these two.
Individuality
Hands down their biggest strength is that they are two separate individuals. Big is successful in his businesses and Carrie is a professional writer. Each has found their own way in their world and developed their own identities. Having a solid knowledge of their selves means their couplehood will be stronger because of it.
The next part of premarital counseling for this lovely, though fictional, couple will be determining their Relationship Weaknesses.
If you are a Nashville couple and would like more information on premarital counseling with the Nashville Marriage Studio, please contact me at marie.mckinney@gmail.com.
by Marie McKinney-Oates on May 1, 2009
There is something about a home with broken windows that screams, “You’re not safe here!” Because how can you feel safe if anyone can enter at anytime they choose? It’s near impossible.
Photo by Dan Tantrum
The same is true for our relationships. Relationship boundaries, like windows and fences, allow us to feel safe. Feeling safe in a relationship allows the couple’s bond to strengthen and grow.
Put safety first in your relationships:
Speak for yourself
The only experience you can truly know and speak for is your own. Telling your partner what he or she is thinking is a common way to violate a boundary. Sentences that start with “You always…” or “You think…” should be avoided at all costs.
Ask Questions
Instead of telling your partner what he or she is thinking why not ask? Asking questions about your partner’s thoughts or feelings on a topic is like ringing the doorbell to their heart and asking to come in. The courtesy will be much appreciated.
Encourage
Some of us grew up in homes where we did not feel safe emotionally or physically due to various types of abuse. Our past has made it hard to feel safe anywhere. If this is the case for your relationship make it a daily habit to remind each other that this relationship is a safe place. Along with practicing healthy boundaries, the daily encouragement will help you two focus on the task of creating a safe place to love each other.
How do you practice safe loving in your relationship? What parts of your relationship don’t allow you to feel very safe?
