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I did some spying and found out what men really want

by Marie McKinney-Oates on March 11, 2013

Ladies, have you ever thought to yourself, “Man, I wish I knew what he was thinking” or “What does he talk about with his friends?” Then you need to go visit Reddit. It’s like the male stream of consciousness and it is absolutely fascinating.

Well, I take a look on there every once in a while and around Valentine’s Day there was a conversation going on about what guys would like for the holiday of love. There were some obvious jokes about sexual activities and steak (true story: March 14th is Steak & BJ Day according to dudes… just so you know), but then I came across this little gem:

I honestly wondered how many of our husbands could have written this.

How many husbands just need a thank you?

How many men in our lives do their very best to make us happy and we treat their efforts as trivial or, worse, demand more?

It’s easy to pretend our husbands don’t have feelings. That they are indifferent and cold. But it’s not true, ladies! And it’s not fair.

Do you really think your husband woke up today thinking, “How can I make her mad? How can I let her down? How can I ignore her and her needs?”

I don’t think so, either.

If hasn’t been beaten up too much, he probably woke up wanting to make you happy. He woke up wanting to be your hero. He wants his contributions to your family to be seen, not taken for granted.

Look at your husband today and say thank you. Say thank you for the big and small ways that he makes your family a priority. Say thank you and let him know that who he is and how he serves you and your family matters.

Look at your husband today and take time to truly see him.

Discussion: Wives, what are you going to say thank you for today? Husbands, what do you wish your wife would acknowledge? Anyone got any special plans this March 14th?

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Giveaway Winner of The Normal Bar

by Marie McKinney-Oates on March 11, 2013

Thanks to everyone that commented! I loved hearing your thoughts about passionate kissing and being mindful of how very important it is to our marriages.

The winner was Alysha who reminded us of the dear Mary Chapin Carpenter song, Passionate Kisses. Appropriate, right?

Thank you guys so much for playing! Now go kiss your men. With passion!

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Giveaway The Normal Bar: Find out if your relationship is normal

by Marie McKinney-Oates on March 6, 2013

Me: So do you consider me a Good Friend or your Best Friend?

Mark: I don’t know. I guess you’re my best friend. I mean, I don’t have a ton of friends…

Me: Really? Did you just say I was your best friend by default? We’re screwed.

And that was just one example of some of the eye-opening conversations Mark and I had after getting our hands on the new marriage advice book The Normal Bar by Chrisanna Northrup, Pepper Schwartz, & James Witte.

One of the biggest parts of any counseling or coaching relationship is normalizing the situation. Your first job is to help the couple see that every couple goes through ups AND downs and that there is hope. Once a couple sees that their particular “down” is normal they are more open to the idea that there is hope.

Sometimes, however, it’s really hard to believe that you’re normal because rarely do you find out anyone else is having issues until you see their relationship status change from “Married” to nothing to “Single”.

That’s where this book comes in and saves the day.

It asked a billion* people all over the world a billion* questions about everything under the sun pertaining to love and relationships.

I honestly had so much fun reading this book and seeing the areas where Mark and I were pretty normal in a good way (we think we’re best friends, yay!) and pretty normal in a not so good way (happy couples have sex 3-4 times A WEEK? Say what?!?).

They even packed the information in a real neat way. There are little cartoons throughout (most were pretty funny), and they help you digest their research by ending each chapter with some tools to make your relationship the good kind of normal instead of the bad kind.

Here are some of the little bits that I found fascinating…

Is sex the #1 thing unhappily married men want? Nope! Communication.

74% of the happiest couples give back rubs.

After 10 years together or reaching the age of 45 almost half of all couples stop practicing PDA.

Page 83. That’s all I’m saying.

People quit trying to look good for each other from 6-9 years into a relationship, regardless of whether they have kids.

60% of childless partners and 40% of with kids partners have separate bank accounts.

Lies are normal. One guys reported that his wife didn’t know he’d had a vasectomy!
*********

GIVEAWAY!
The best part is that I was given a copy to give away to one of you!

You can enter the giveaway by leaving a comment about the concept of passionate kissing. In the book it seemed like a normal thing for happy couples. Do you kiss passionately? Are they spontaneous? Is that weird to any of you? Is that normal for any of you? Does passionate kissing feel like a back rub in that it’s a gateway drug to sex? C’mon, discuss with me!

(PS You’ll want to enter this giveaway just to get a chance to find out what’s on Page 83)

You’ll have to have left your comment by March 8th at 5PM Central. I’ll announce a winner on March 9th (my 30th birthday!).

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