It’s a big decision. A decision that ties you to another person (and that person’s family) forever.

Forever.

Marriage is promising forever to someone. Not “until things get hard”. Not “as long as I feel butterflies in my stomach”. Not “as long as this is right for me”.

Marriage is a decision to promise to one person forever.

Before you decide to marry, before you say “I do”, look at this person. Look at all of this person. Not just the cute, feel good parts of this person. Look at all of the person.

Because you aren’t just promising to love the good parts of this person forever. You’re committing to their tendency to hoard. You’re committing to their laziness. You’re committing to their selfishness. You’re committing to their nagging requests for “quality time”.

Once we decide to marry someone it is easy to want to focus on how this person completes you and makes you happy. It helps lessen our anxiety about making such a big decision. If we let ourselves think about all the reasons marriage is scary, we might talk ourselves out of it, right?

Maybe. Or we just might save our marriage before it begins.

I think one of the biggest reasons marriages fail is because we desperately want to believe that we’re marrying some perfect being who is going to fulfill every need and desire we will ever have. And the first time we are confronted with the truth, that we’ve married an imperfect human, we’re shattered and convinced that we’ve made the wrong decision or the person we promised forever to has changed. Many decide this is the time to bail.

What if we went into this very serious promise seeing the entire person? Seeing the good and the bad. Promising to love the good and the bad. Would our desire to run be as strong if we were able to see it coming? Would we be able to remind ourselves, and each other, that we both knew what we were getting into when we made this promise?

The second session of premarital counseling is the “Anxiety Session”. We talk about all the things that make you anxious about marriage. Not to test you and see if you’re making a bad choice, but to make sure that you’re going into this with eyes wide open. This session is a way to give you a safe place to say “I’m scared…” and not have someone question if you’re really ready to get married, but instead to simply listen.

Marriage is scary, but don’t close your eyes.

That’s kind of how I feel about the new Ashley’s Bride Guide.

She’s amazing, and making me swoon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a fan of Ashley’s. Not only does she approach weddings with excitement and passion, but also with a practicality that makes her one of the most solid voices in the Nashville wedding world.

Well, ABG had a growth spurt, and she is turning into quite the woman. She is no longer just a bridge from vendor to bride. She’s so much more…

Blogs
This is hands down my favorite new feature on Ashley’s Bride Guide. Blogging is a fabulous way for brides and vendors to connect and to have all of the Nashville specific blogs in one place is, well, pure genius.

Events
There are events going on all year long for Nashville brides (and grooms!). So many, in fact, that it can be really hard to keep up. ABG helps get rid of this problem by compiling Middle Tennessee events all on one lovely page. It’s pretty sweet.

Sanity (there isn’t really a link for this… sorry)
Brides can be driven crazy by the sheer volume of choices The Internet provides. It’s truly insane at times. Ashley allows a Nashville bride to focus on the options that are available right here in her own backyard, allowing her to bypass falling in love with a cake decorator in  Wyoming. Because it always sucks to fall in love with bakers in Wyoming. Trust.

Ashley’s Bride Guide is sleek, beautiful and filled to the brim with features that easily make this website a necessary part of your Google Reader.

Which reminds me that I need to re-subscribe…

I became intrigued. I am a huge advocate of boudoir photography for ladies in committed and loving relationships with men that have earned the right to see your, um, goodies. There are so many ways boudoir photography can enrich your relationship, but I’ll get to that in a minute.

First, back to tweets and Joy. Our Twitter conversation led to email which led to a lunch date to talk about all things love, relationships and boudoir. Joy was an absolute delight. An ABSOLUTE delight. I immediately felt like we were old friends and it wasn’t long before we were planning a full-fledged Boudoir as Marriage Enrichment event.

We are now teaming up to present Beloved Boudoir Photography…

As you can see, Joy Wilson is a wonderful photographer whose gift is not simply her ability to capture beautiful photos that will allow you and your man to enjoy your unique sexiness. No, she also has the gift of a personality that allows you to feel comfortable and beautiful enough to truly enjoy something that many of us think we’d never have the guts to do. That, my friends, is talent.

Like I said earlier, I believe that boudoir photography can enrich your relationship in so many ways. Let me explain:

• Men experience sexuality through what they can see. Porn is not a billion-dollar industry for nothing, people. There is so much lost for a man’s sexual experience when we rush to cover our bodies or insist that the lights be turned off. Boudoir photography is a wonderfully creative way to let him see you in all your crazy sexy glory.
• This allows you to see yourself as a sexual being. Too often us women limit our definition of sexual attractiveness to Giselle Bundchen. It’s difficult to believe that our men enjoy the sight of our bodies because we’re so hung up on a roll here or some cellulite there. Boudoir is a wonderful way to fall in love with your body and see yourself in a whole new light.
• Vulnerability is what seals the bond between a couple. We can’t truly understand intimacy until we’ve taken a risk to share a part of ourselves that is typically hidden from others. This type of gift can be a wonderful way to symbolize the trust you have in your man, trusting that he will treasure and love, not only these photos, but you.
• I’m offering a discount on premarital counseling or education for anyone who partakes in this event. You can get $25 off of the Bound Together Workshop or 10% off of premarital counseling.

If you would like more details about Beloved Boudoir Portraits email Joy at joy@joywilsonphotography.com and be sure to check out all of her amazing work at Joy Wilson Photography.

• Couples who listen to Single Ladies and wonder “Why isn’t he putting a ring on it?” or “Should I put a ring on it?”. If you’re thinking about marriage this workshop helps you look at your relationship and see if you’re ready for the next step.
• Couples who are already engaged and haven’t been able to find a premarital counseling option because they don’t have a pastor or someone else to do their counseling.
• Couples getting married in the next couple of months and don’t have time to get traditional premarital counseling.
• Couples looking to have fun learning about their relationship and the ways to make it better.
• Couples who want to not only get premarital education but also want the opportunity to meet some of Nashville’s finest wedding vendors…

Yep, there’s a new feature being added to the Bound Together Workshop. Since joining StudioWed Nashville I’ve fallen into a wonderful family of wedding vendors that are eager to share what they know about marriage and wedding planning. After you get done learning about making your marriage a success you’ll have the opportunity to meet with a panel of wedding vendors that will help you do the same for your wedding day.

(Wedding panel for the next Bound Together workshop includes: A Delightful Day, Simply Stunning Events, Kristyn Hogan, Jonathan Campbell Photography, Phindy Studios, Photo Booth Nashville, Cosmo Creations)

Email me at marie.mckinney@gmail.com to register or to get more information!

I’m crying just thinking about the movie. I’m a mess.

My love for that movie is probably why I love the first session of premarital counseling. This is the session where I get to hear the couple’s “story”. How they got together. Why he picked her. What made her flirt back. Whether they were friends first or had a torrid love affair. When they started talking marriage. Whether they broke up. How the proposal went down.

Not only does the story of a couple fascinate me, but I honestly believe that there is power in a couple’s story. Telling your story is a wonderful way to acknowledge that you are a team now. How you went from two separate individuals to a couple and, now as you prepare for marriage, your very own, albeit tiny, family.

The power of a couple’s story comes in how wonderfully joyful an engaged couple is while telling it. I’ve watched future brides light up when they hear their groom talk about how nervous he was to talk to the prettiest girl in the world. I see the smile creep across his face as he remembers his brazenness.

More importantly, I see how positive they are about their darker times. Some couples go through doubts or breakups before realizing that they’re ready for forever. And when they talk about these times they are filled with the hope of knowing that they can get through near anything together. They talk about breakups and focus on the lessons they’ve learned, rather than the bitterness that could easily eat away at their bond.

Couples, do anything and everything you can to cherish your story. Use premarital counseling to slow down and meditate on the journey that is bringing you to your wedding day. Put together a scrapbook filled with important events in your relationship. Find a videographer or grab a camera and record the two of you sharing your story together.

Because one day your story may be all there is holding you two together.

People have wondered for a long time which is better: blonde hair or brunette? I believe that we can ignore scientific and sociological data, and instead focus our attention on the football field…

First up, we have the very blonde Jessica Simpson, former girlfriend of the Cowboys’ Tony Romo.

Pros:  Jess’ hair is amazing, she is rocking a pink jersey, she looks like she might understand what is going on.

Cons: Tony Romo had his WORST game ever with her cheering him on.

Now, let’s look at the brunette Kim Kardashian, girlfriend of the Saints’ Reggie Bush.

Pros: Kim was in attendance for one of Reggie’s BEST games ever, she made signs, and the Saints will be in the Super Bowl.

Cons: Where is her pink jersey? It’s a football game for crying out loud. And Reggie has made it clear that all her cheering and support isn’t going to result in a proposal.

As you can tell from this in-depth analysis, if you want to win a football game invite your brunette girlfriend. If you want her to dress for the occasion invite your blonde one.

And if you want a wedding, a baby, AND a seat at the Super Bowl game follow Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson Baskett, wife of the Indianapolis Colts’ Hank Baskett. She kinda rocked it all. And has blonde hair. Go figure.

What struck me, however, was how much Chris Johnson depended on and respected his offensive line. The offensive line protected Chris Johnson and made it possible for him to run those 2,006 yards. “The Wind Beneath My Wings”, indeed.

Chris Johnson knows that his offensive line doesn’t get the proper recognition and he does what he can to make sure they know they are valued. Rolex watches, all-expense paid vacations and flat screen tv’s have all been gifts from Johnson to the guys that make up his O-line. Not only that, he uses his platform as a star to cry foul when he’s the only Titan to get an invite to the Pro Bowl saying, “It’s just crazy. It doesn’t seem possible. They know they got robbed. I’ve got the best offensive line in the NFL.”

I’ve got the best offensive line in the NFL. – Chris Johnson

Now let me tell you why Chris Johnson and his offensive line matter to your marriage…

• One of you might be the “superstar” in the relationship. That’s great. Don’t forget you are a team. Seek out the ways that you can’t be you without the help of your spouse.
• Express your gratitude. Chris Johnson could be like every other NFL superstar and make it seem like he does everything, but he doesn’t. Instead, he makes a point to say thank you over and over and over again.
• Don’t let anyone disrespect your spouse. Chris Johnson didn’t appreciate his entire offensive line getting ignored by the Pro Bowl and you should have the same sense of loyalty for your spouse.
• Be appreciative and loving even during the hardest of seasons. Chris Johnson and his line achieved 2,006 yards in a season that started off 0-6. They lost six games straight, people! They would have had every reason to give up on their goal and each other. They could have spent the rest of the season blaming and being negative. But they didn’t. They stepped up and supported each other and beat the odds.

So, go be like Chris. Just don’t try to pull of that hair…

Yes, for those of you that don’t keep up with the magical world of the NFL, the Colts almost had a perfect season this year. They lost their 15th game to the Jets after deciding to rest their starters rather than risk injury.

I’m not going to lie. I was sad. Sad that Peyton and the Colts were so close to tasting the special sauce that is an undefeated season and that they let the dream slip by without being able to truly find out if they could have done it. Because once you go 14 games without losing fans start dreaming The Dream. The dream of joining the ‘72 Dolphins in perfect season history. The dream of laughing loudly in Bill Bellichick’s face. I mean…

Like I said, there was sadness because the dream of perfection was gone. The dreams of the Super Bowl, however, were not even close to gone, but perfection? Yes, perfection was dead.

And I think that same sadness happens after your first real fight as a  married couple. I’m not talking about that silly fight about who loves each other more. No, I’m talking about real fights.

That fight about finding pornography on the computer.

That fight about how much money is being spent at Target.

That fight about over feeling unappreciated and just wanting to quit.

You know. The real fights.

Real fights happen and destroy any dreams we have of the perfect marriage where everyone gets breakfast in bed and has sex twice a day.  Some of us have our first real fight and we’re ready to quit. We’ve lost the hope of the perfect marriage and give up. This phenomenon is why so many marriages end within the first 5 years, too many people expect perfect and then are confronted with reality and they don’t like it.

Have your first scary, “I don’t know if we’re going to make it” fight. It’ll be ok. It isn’t the end of your season. I promise.

*Go Colts.

*If the Saints should happen to win the Super Bowl I will be just as happy, though. I always appreciate history being made, and I heart “underdogs” (they aren’t REALLY underdogs. They had just as awesome of a season as the Colts).

I believe with all of my heart that if you have the time and finances to invest in premarital counseling you really should (considering the avg. wedding in Nashville costs $20,000 and 8 sessions of counseling ends up being $210 I’d like to think finances isn’t an issue for most). There are so many things to consider and talk about before you get married  and premarital counseling is a great way to have those conversations.

That said, I know and respect that some couples want to invest in their marriage, yet don’t have the time or money to do so right now. And that’s where the Bound Together Workshops come in.

Bound Together is a premarital education workshop where you’ll look at and learn to work with your personality and love language differences. You’ll learn how to avoid typical newlywed problems regarding sex and finances. We’ll also practice communication and conflict resolution skills that will help you feel closer and more in love (as if that’s possible, right?).

Now that you’re all kinds of psyched about going to the Bound Together workshop (or premarital counseling!) here are the details about the event -

Dates for 2010

March 12 & 13
June 11 &12
September 17 & 18
November 19 & 20

Location

StudioWed Nashville at 1200 Villa Place, Apt. 402, Nashville, TN 37212

Time

Each event starts on Friday night from 6pm to 8pm. We’ll wrap it up on Saturday from 9am to  12pm.

Fee

$100/couple

Who can attend

Any couple that is engaged or thinking about getting engaged. This is also great for newlyweds who wish they’d gotten premarital prep, but didn’t.

Participation will satisfy requirements for you Certificate of Completion of Premarital Education for you TN marriage license. And what I mean is that you get a $60 discount on your marriage license. Yes, saving your marriage AND your budget.

It’s every guy’s worst fear. That getting married, or settling down with one woman, will mean that his proverbial balls will end up in the proverbial jar.

And sometimes us ladies want it that way. We crave control and sometimes we do that by emasculating the men in our lives. Well, I’m here to give you 5 reasons to put the jar (and the knife) away…

5 Reasons to Keep His Balls OUT of The Jar:

1. It’s not attractive. Look at Jon up there with the sulking shoulders and angry eyes. Guys are not attractive when their spirit has been trampled on. No matter what your guy looks like, he will always be a million times more attractive when he’s enjoying life and feeling supported and affirmed by your relationship.
2. We wouldn’t put up with it. Seriously, how many girls would put up with a guy telling them they had to scrap their monthly book club meeting because he wanted her to watch him play World of Warcraft? Not many. We’d call him a control freak and roll our eyes. If he can’t do it to you, then why should you do it to him?
3. They have feelings, too. I know this is a shocker, but guys have feelings too. And it hurts him when you make fun of him for being a slob or having weird taste in music. Just because he doesn’t burst into tears every time you make a jab doesn’t mean he isn’t crying on the inside. Yes, I’m serious.
4. He isn’t a girl. He’s never going to really enjoy jeans shopping or dissecting the latest Lindsay Lohan gossip with you. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that you guys are doomed because you don’t share common interests. No, it just means you’re with a dude and dudes are more interested in things that blow up and UFC fighting. It’s just the way we were made. Instead of trying to get your man to enjoy girl things, why don’t you cultivate your relationship with your girlfriends?
5. You’ll trust him more and he’ll love you more. Whenever you take away your man’s right to be, well, a man you’re also eating away at the trust you have in the relationship. How can you know he really loves you if you basically forced him to be sweet/spend time with you, right? Not only that, but a man who has ownership of his balls is immensely more loving towards his woman because he knows that he’s doing so on his own terms, not because he’s been whipped. Men despise that whipped feeling.