People have wondered for a long time which is better: blonde hair or brunette? I believe that we can ignore scientific and sociological data, and instead focus our attention on the football field…

First up, we have the very blonde Jessica Simpson, former girlfriend of the Cowboys’ Tony Romo.

Pros:  Jess’ hair is amazing, she is rocking a pink jersey, she looks like she might understand what is going on.

Cons: Tony Romo had his WORST game ever with her cheering him on.

Now, let’s look at the brunette Kim Kardashian, girlfriend of the Saints’ Reggie Bush.

Pros: Kim was in attendance for one of Reggie’s BEST games ever, she made signs, and the Saints will be in the Super Bowl.

Cons: Where is her pink jersey? It’s a football game for crying out loud. And Reggie has made it clear that all her cheering and support isn’t going to result in a proposal.

As you can tell from this in-depth analysis, if you want to win a football game invite your brunette girlfriend. If you want her to dress for the occasion invite your blonde one.

And if you want a wedding, a baby, AND a seat at the Super Bowl game follow Playboy Playmate Kendra Wilkinson Baskett, wife of the Indianapolis Colts’ Hank Baskett. She kinda rocked it all. And has blonde hair. Go figure.

What struck me, however, was how much Chris Johnson depended on and respected his offensive line. The offensive line protected Chris Johnson and made it possible for him to run those 2,006 yards. “The Wind Beneath My Wings”, indeed.

Chris Johnson knows that his offensive line doesn’t get the proper recognition and he does what he can to make sure they know they are valued. Rolex watches, all-expense paid vacations and flat screen tv’s have all been gifts from Johnson to the guys that make up his O-line. Not only that, he uses his platform as a star to cry foul when he’s the only Titan to get an invite to the Pro Bowl saying, “It’s just crazy. It doesn’t seem possible. They know they got robbed. I’ve got the best offensive line in the NFL.”

I’ve got the best offensive line in the NFL. – Chris Johnson

Now let me tell you why Chris Johnson and his offensive line matter to your marriage…

• One of you might be the “superstar” in the relationship. That’s great. Don’t forget you are a team. Seek out the ways that you can’t be you without the help of your spouse.
• Express your gratitude. Chris Johnson could be like every other NFL superstar and make it seem like he does everything, but he doesn’t. Instead, he makes a point to say thank you over and over and over again.
• Don’t let anyone disrespect your spouse. Chris Johnson didn’t appreciate his entire offensive line getting ignored by the Pro Bowl and you should have the same sense of loyalty for your spouse.
• Be appreciative and loving even during the hardest of seasons. Chris Johnson and his line achieved 2,006 yards in a season that started off 0-6. They lost six games straight, people! They would have had every reason to give up on their goal and each other. They could have spent the rest of the season blaming and being negative. But they didn’t. They stepped up and supported each other and beat the odds.

So, go be like Chris. Just don’t try to pull of that hair…

Yes, for those of you that don’t keep up with the magical world of the NFL, the Colts almost had a perfect season this year. They lost their 15th game to the Jets after deciding to rest their starters rather than risk injury.

I’m not going to lie. I was sad. Sad that Peyton and the Colts were so close to tasting the special sauce that is an undefeated season and that they let the dream slip by without being able to truly find out if they could have done it. Because once you go 14 games without losing fans start dreaming The Dream. The dream of joining the ‘72 Dolphins in perfect season history. The dream of laughing loudly in Bill Bellichick’s face. I mean…

Like I said, there was sadness because the dream of perfection was gone. The dreams of the Super Bowl, however, were not even close to gone, but perfection? Yes, perfection was dead.

And I think that same sadness happens after your first real fight as a  married couple. I’m not talking about that silly fight about who loves each other more. No, I’m talking about real fights.

That fight about finding pornography on the computer.

That fight about how much money is being spent at Target.

That fight about over feeling unappreciated and just wanting to quit.

You know. The real fights.

Real fights happen and destroy any dreams we have of the perfect marriage where everyone gets breakfast in bed and has sex twice a day.  Some of us have our first real fight and we’re ready to quit. We’ve lost the hope of the perfect marriage and give up. This phenomenon is why so many marriages end within the first 5 years, too many people expect perfect and then are confronted with reality and they don’t like it.

Have your first scary, “I don’t know if we’re going to make it” fight. It’ll be ok. It isn’t the end of your season. I promise.

*Go Colts.

*If the Saints should happen to win the Super Bowl I will be just as happy, though. I always appreciate history being made, and I heart “underdogs” (they aren’t REALLY underdogs. They had just as awesome of a season as the Colts).

I believe with all of my heart that if you have the time and finances to invest in premarital counseling you really should (considering the avg. wedding in Nashville costs $20,000 and 8 sessions of counseling ends up being $210 I’d like to think finances isn’t an issue for most). There are so many things to consider and talk about before you get married  and premarital counseling is a great way to have those conversations.

That said, I know and respect that some couples want to invest in their marriage, yet don’t have the time or money to do so right now. And that’s where the Bound Together Workshops come in.

Bound Together is a premarital education workshop where you’ll look at and learn to work with your personality and love language differences. You’ll learn how to avoid typical newlywed problems regarding sex and finances. We’ll also practice communication and conflict resolution skills that will help you feel closer and more in love (as if that’s possible, right?).

Now that you’re all kinds of psyched about going to the Bound Together workshop (or premarital counseling!) here are the details about the event -

Dates for 2010

March 12 & 13
June 11 &12
September 17 & 18
November 19 & 20

Location

StudioWed Nashville at 1200 Villa Place, Apt. 402, Nashville, TN 37212

Time

Each event starts on Friday night from 6pm to 8pm. We’ll wrap it up on Saturday from 9am to  12pm.

Fee

$100/couple

Who can attend

Any couple that is engaged or thinking about getting engaged. This is also great for newlyweds who wish they’d gotten premarital prep, but didn’t.

Participation will satisfy requirements for you Certificate of Completion of Premarital Education for you TN marriage license. And what I mean is that you get a $60 discount on your marriage license. Yes, saving your marriage AND your budget.

It’s every guy’s worst fear. That getting married, or settling down with one woman, will mean that his proverbial balls will end up in the proverbial jar.

And sometimes us ladies want it that way. We crave control and sometimes we do that by emasculating the men in our lives. Well, I’m here to give you 5 reasons to put the jar (and the knife) away…

5 Reasons to Keep His Balls OUT of The Jar:

1. It’s not attractive. Look at Jon up there with the sulking shoulders and angry eyes. Guys are not attractive when their spirit has been trampled on. No matter what your guy looks like, he will always be a million times more attractive when he’s enjoying life and feeling supported and affirmed by your relationship.
2. We wouldn’t put up with it. Seriously, how many girls would put up with a guy telling them they had to scrap their monthly book club meeting because he wanted her to watch him play World of Warcraft? Not many. We’d call him a control freak and roll our eyes. If he can’t do it to you, then why should you do it to him?
3. They have feelings, too. I know this is a shocker, but guys have feelings too. And it hurts him when you make fun of him for being a slob or having weird taste in music. Just because he doesn’t burst into tears every time you make a jab doesn’t mean he isn’t crying on the inside. Yes, I’m serious.
4. He isn’t a girl. He’s never going to really enjoy jeans shopping or dissecting the latest Lindsay Lohan gossip with you. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you or that you guys are doomed because you don’t share common interests. No, it just means you’re with a dude and dudes are more interested in things that blow up and UFC fighting. It’s just the way we were made. Instead of trying to get your man to enjoy girl things, why don’t you cultivate your relationship with your girlfriends?
5. You’ll trust him more and he’ll love you more. Whenever you take away your man’s right to be, well, a man you’re also eating away at the trust you have in the relationship. How can you know he really loves you if you basically forced him to be sweet/spend time with you, right? Not only that, but a man who has ownership of his balls is immensely more loving towards his woman because he knows that he’s doing so on his own terms, not because he’s been whipped. Men despise that whipped feeling.

The Internet is buzzing with the news:

Conan O’Brien Rejects NBC’s Offer.

(gasp)

The debacle that is happening for NBC and their late-night lineup has left many people wondering how the whole thing will play out.  Is Jay getting his show back? Is Conan going to be Palin’s new sidekick on Fox? Will someone, please, figure out how to bring Johnny Carson back from the dead?

We soon realized that Jay would, essentially, be getting The Tonight Show back and many wondered how Conan would take the news. He could have been a diva. He could have claimed it wasn’t fair and hurled insults at NBC.

Except, he didn’t. Conan issued a response filled with respect, disappointment and integrity and The Internet fell even more in love with our favorite dorky, red-head.

After reading his statement about the loss of his show, here are 3 things teaches us about handling conflict with complete class:

Use of I-statements
Conan is in conflict with NBC. In his statement, he uses the word “I” 23 times and “NBC” 5 times. It may not seem important, but this simple tactic(talking about yourself rather than the person you’re in conflict with) is an easy way to remove any trace of an attacking or aggressive stance towards the other person. By talking about his thoughts and feelings, rather than how NBC screwed up or are a bunch of idiots, makes you more open to listening and less defensive.

Focus on the problem at hand
You know how you have those fights that start because someone forgot to put the milk back in the fridge and end as a walk down Memories That Make Me Hate You Lane? Conan had every reason in the world to let NBC know how much they suck. He could have pointed out every way that he has been wronged in the past decade or so. He could have, but he didn’t. Instead he focused solely on the problem at hand, the destruction of The Tonight Show brand and his desire not to  participate. Focusing on one problem at a time decreases confusion and, again, helps all parties feel safe and not attacked.

Touch of humor
Conan ends his statement with,

“I am truly sorry about my hair; it’s always been that way.”

This may not make you bust a gut with laughter, but it probably made you smile. Sometimes in a conflict we take ourselves and the fight way too seriously. More than likely whatever you two are fighting about isn’t life or death. A lighthearted, slightly self deprecating, joke is always a wonderful way to ease the tension of an argument. It’s also a great way to inject a little positivity into the conversation while still trying to find a solution.

So maybe Conan lost his job as a comedian, but maybe he could try teaching a conflict resolution workshop or two.

I get that this doesn’t sound like a time in our relationship that will make it onto our personal highlight reel, but in hind sight it totally will. Here’s why:

Acknowledge each others skillz
It’s easy to think that your spouse doesn’t have much to offer other than companionship, sex, and being a sounding board after a crappy day at work. We lose sight of the fact that our partner has skills and abilities that go unnoticed all the time in a relationship. The first part of learning something new from your partner demands that you acknowledge one of your partner’s many skillz. Doing this is a great way to frame your partner in a positive light.

Humble thine self
After you acknowledge that your partner knows something you don’t know you will begin the practice of humility. Putting yourself in a position where you don’t know everything encourages you to ask more questions and become more open to answers. Cultivating this humble attitude may be one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

Bonding
All of these positive experiences (recognizing your partner’s talents and learning a new skill) will strengthen the bond between the two of you. This will be a pleasant memory that will be tied to your relationship and it will reinforce the idea that you can trust your partner to teach you something new.

And it’s always fun to have a crush on your teacher

Anyways, there’s is tons to catch you lovely readers up on, however the most pressing issue right now is Unabridged Bride. Sign up for it now!

Oh. I bet you want to know what this Unabridged Bride event is exactly. Of course you do.

Unabridged Bride is an event where all of you lovely brides will learn about everything to make that walk down the aisle as complete as possible. We’ll talk about:

• Planning a wedding
• Working with wedding vendors
• Staying fit
• Being a concious during the wedding planning process
• Financial management
• Planning for the future
• and Developing your relationship skills (you’ll need that in marriage, ya know)

We’ll be at Weddings the Bridal Show on January 17th, so please come by and say hi. And sign up. For a discount. Everybody loves a discount.

If you’re still not sold on the idea check out these write ups from Ashley of Ashley’s Bride Guide fame and other Nashville brides who have participated in previous Unabridged Bride events:

Ashley at Ashley’s Bride Guide -
You’re Engaged! Now what? Series
What You Missed at The Inaugural Unabridged Bride Workshop

Krista at Becoming Mrs. Dial -
My 10-day Wedding Planning Recap, part 1

Cassandra at Sassy Bride on a Mission -
Unabridged Bride

Little Spoon at Big Spoon + Little Spoon -
Planning Tools via The Unabridged Bride Workshop
Thank You Unabridged Bride!

Sarah at Planning Sarah Elizabeth -
Emilie Friday (with a ps shoutout to Unabridged Bride)

So sign up and get your Unabridged Bride goodness on!

I don’t know that there is anything more hopeful than the January calendar page. So clean. So fresh. So full of possibilities.

During the last session of premarital counseling, the couple creates goals for their first year of marriage. Much like a new year, anniversaries in a relationship are wonderful times to reflect on the past and plan for what they want in the next year.

Therapist Note: In the past it was common for couples to work together towards a common goal, like running a farm or business. Modern couples often miss out on the team-building that common goals provide because we’re so busy leading our own lives. Common goals are great reminders that marriage is a team effort and that both of you are necessary.

Maybe you don’t want to wait until your next anniversary to start improving your life or relationship, though. Maybe you want to take advantage of that nice, clean page of the calendar. Maybe I can help.

For the month of January sign up below to receive free email coaching with me to help you achieve your New Year’s Couple Resolutions. You want to run the Country Music Marathon together? Save 10% of your income every month for a down payment on a house? Treat each other to special date nights once a month? Read the Bible together this year? Whatever goal you guys want to set for your relationship I want to help, so here’s how this is going to go down:

1. Sign up and provide your email address, your first name, your partner’s first name and a brief description of the goal you guys want to achieve together.
2. I’ll email you back with my suggestions on how to make it a S.M.A.R.T. goal.
3. We’ll finalize the plan for the New Year through email.
4. I’ll email you twice a month for the rest of the year to keep you kids accountable (seriously, that’s the hard part about goals – you forget you made them a month in!)
5. By this time next year you’ll be faster/thinner/richer/closer/smarter than you are today! And all for the hefty price of zero!

Sign up now!

Therapist Note: This coaching is not therapy. It’s help in defining and bi-monthly accountability regarding your goals. That’s it.

I know that some of you are in relationships that feel like this plant right now.

Your relationship is dry. Unhealthy. Malnourished. Frail. Dying.

You’re ready to give up. You want to quit.

I don’t know you or your situation so I can’t really give any advice. What I can tell you is that the plant’s dry, dead, brittle look isn’t always for forever. Sometimes this is just the season in the plant’s life. The season right before the plant turns green and its flowers bloom.

Maybe your relationship isn’t dead. Maybe it’s just in the season right before it blooms.