The Bad Guy
Maybe you storm out of the room in a huff. Or one of you snores. Or one of you cheated. Sometimes it’s one person that keeps making the mistake and that person gets labeled the “bad guy” in the relationship.
Being labeled the “bad guy” isn’t good for the relationship. The “good guy” doesn’t feel motivated to change because it’s not their problem. And the “bad guy” doesn’t feel motivated to change because it’s always their problem. Instead of feeling like you’re on the same team with someone you love, you feel like you’re in a face off with someone you hate.
Bad Guy vs. Good Guy
Relationships that feel like face-offs won’t, and can’t, last. Relationships that feel like teamwork will last. And you’ll have more fun.
Quit looking for someone to blame. Instead treat problems like a soccer ball that you kick between the two of you. It isn’t “his problem” or “her problem”, it’s OUR PROBLEM. How is storming out of the room hurting both of you? If one of you cheated, how are both of you responsible for the situation (and, yes, both of you are)?
And if snoring is the problem, well, that is one person’s fault. Sorry. Get some nasal strips. And be thankful that’s your biggest problem!
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May 25th, 2009 at 9:40 am
These are all really good points!
As a relationship expert (www.ChoiceRelationships.com), I would like to add that couples need to know that conflicts are bound to happen. But here’s the good news: there are skills they can learn so that they can handle them better. When they do, their partnerships fare much better. I offer a free teleseminar, “The 7 Tools to Manage Conflict Communication in Your Relationship.” To hear it, go to: http://choicerelationships.com/teleseminar_resources.