Nashville Marriage Studio

The most common piece of advice I hear is for the couple to try and take it all in, that the day will be over before they know it. Remember to breathe, they say.

The same is true for the time that it takes for your relationship to grow from friendship, to dating, to engagement, and to marriage. It’s easy (especially for us females) to get caught up in getting to the next stage.

When you’re single you want a boyfriend.

When you have a boyfriend you want a fiance.

When you have a fiance you want a husband.

Just like you don’t want to rush through the hours leading up to your wedding day, don’t rush through the relationship leading up to your wedding day.

Remember celebrating Valentine’s Day with your single friends. Remember saying goodnight on the front porch at 3 in the morning. Remember the dreams you shared when you first started talking about building a life together.

Remember to breathe.

Remember the day you first noticed the boy next door had grown up? The boy you were making fart jokes with the day before went to sleep and woke up a man. He became tall, handsome and his voice made your stomach flutter. You started noticing him for more than his ability to help you with your math homework. All of a sudden he became so much more…

That’s kind of how I feel about the new Ashley’s Bride Guide.

She’s amazing, and making me swoon.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always been a fan of Ashley’s. Not only does she approach weddings with excitement and passion, but also with a practicality that makes her one of the most solid voices in the Nashville wedding world.

Well, ABG had a growth spurt, and she is turning into quite the woman. She is no longer just a bridge from vendor to bride. She’s so much more…

Blogs
This is hands down my favorite new feature on Ashley’s Bride Guide. Blogging is a fabulous way for brides and vendors to connect and to have all of the Nashville specific blogs in one place is, well, pure genius.

Events
There are events going on all year long for Nashville brides (and grooms!). So many, in fact, that it can be really hard to keep up. ABG helps get rid of this problem by compiling Middle Tennessee events all on one lovely page. It’s pretty sweet.

Sanity (there isn’t really a link for this… sorry)
Brides can be driven crazy by the sheer volume of choices The Internet provides. It’s truly insane at times. Ashley allows a Nashville bride to focus on the options that are available right here in her own backyard, allowing her to bypass falling in love with a cake decorator in  Wyoming. Because it always sucks to fall in love with bakers in Wyoming. Trust.

Ashley’s Bride Guide is sleek, beautiful and filled to the brim with features that easily make this website a necessary part of your Google Reader.

Which reminds me that I need to re-subscribe…

Inspiration boards. They’re like the most important part of the wedding planning process, particularly for social media savvy brides.

Inspiration boards allow a couple to create a visual focal point for their wedding day. And they’re pretty. Brides like pretty.

These boards can be much more than just pretty pictures. These inspiration boards can be the key to keeping your sanity.

There are two types of brides: Maximizers and Satisficers.

Maximizers are the perfectionist brides who find it extremely difficult to make a final decision. These brides are bogged down wondering if they’re getting the best value or getting the exact detail that they desire. Because they are constantly wondering if they’ve made the best decision they often feel unsure about the choices they’ve made.

Satisficers, on the other hand, have already decided what is important to them and what it will take to satisfy their wedding needs. When they see a bouquet that is the right size & price or a bridesmaid’s dress in the correct shade of lilac they have no problem making a decision or purchase because these brides are confident that their needs are being met.

The satisficer brides are often the happy ones. Confidence and knowing what you want will do that for you.

Inspiration boards (and a great wedding planner) help you clearly define what you want out and allow you to know it when you see it.

In the past wedding planning has typically been left up to the bride. It was HER day and the groom should just try his best to show up on time.

That’s no longer the case. Modern couples are now working together to create weddings that  showcase the styles and preferences of both the bride AND the groom. (Check out some great examples of couples creating unique wedding experiences TOGETHER at Ashley’s Bride Guide here, here and here.)

I love that couples are taking the time to design weddings that truly represent them, and would challenge them to use their wedding planning process to begin to build the skills necessary for a successful relationship.

One area where your wedding planning will set a foundation for married life is how you deal with wedding finances. Most couples find themselves financing some, if not all, of the wedding costs. More than likely, the wedding will be your first time making financial decisions as a couple that are bigger than deciding who is going to tip the pizza guy.

Use the process of planning a wedding to begin building these healthy financial habits:

Discuss Spending & Saving Habits- 

When you’re dealing with thousands of dollars and the beginning of a life together the inevitable question emerges: Should we spend this on a wedding or put a downpayment on a house?

How each of you answers this question could be a good indicator of which end of the spectrum you are on, spender or saver. Most couples are made up of two people who balance each other out financially, one spends a little more and the other saves a little more. Often couples don’t find out who is who until they’ve been married a year and are frustrated with how the finances are being handled (or mishandled).

As you plan your wedding take the time to evaluate you and your fiance’s attitudes towards money. Is money meant to be saved in case of a rainy day? Should all superfluous items and activities be avoided no matter what? Or is money meant to be enjoyed and used? Do you believe whole-heartedly in the religion of Immediate Gratification?

Discussing how to use your wedding budget is a great way to see what types of habits each of you bring to the relationship and how they will mesh after the ceremony.

Ability to Handle Conflict -

More than likely money is going to be a limited resource in your marriage (unless your Ivanka Trump Kushner). Limited resources almost always lead to conflict. I don’t care about how in love you are, there will be financial conflict in your marriage.

This conflict is going to be seen in many ways as you plan your wedding. There will be conflict over how to spend the money. There will be conflict over how much to spend on various aspects of the wedding day. There will be conflict over who is paying for what and how much various family members will contribute. There will be conflict over what you want and what you can actually afford. The list of conflict will go on forever when it comes to money.

How are you going to handle it?

Will you go bridezilla on everyone until you get what you want (i.e. be a bully)? Will you stay quiet, convincing yourself that you didn’t REALLY want that amazing designer gown that your fiance said was a waste of money (i.e. become indifferent)? Will you go along with everyone else’s plan and quietly build up resentment (i.e. become bitter)? Or will you figure out a way to address each conflict with maturity and the attitude that there can be two winners no matter the situation?

How you two handle conflict before the wedding will probably be the way you handle conflict after the wedding, how satisfied are you with your conflict resolution skills? Are you happy with these habits being carried into your future together? The habits you develop in this area of your relationship will prove to be the deciding factor in whether you make it or not.

Establishing a Budget-

Establishing a wedding budget TOGETHER will be one of the best things you can do while planning. It will keep you focused and feeling empowered during the entire process. It is easy for events like a wedding to take on a life of its own. Budgets let you decide how big the wedding is allowed to get.

The best part of a budget, in my opinion, is that it gives you and your fiance a common punching bag when the conflict over money gets heated. Instead of being upset at your fiance because you can only spend $2,000 on a photography package you can be upset at the budget. Too often couples begin to demonize each other instead of the problem when times get hard. Budgets allow you two to begin practicing the art of  staying on the same team and externalizing the problems you face.

What have/did you learn about your partner while planning your wedding? How do you handle financial conflict in your relationship?