Nashville Marriage Studio

Here is a Jeopardy answer for you:
Partaking in this sacred ceremony is asking your community, your family and friends, to join you in celebrating your union.  The two of you have decided to make it official and want to share with those nearest and dearest to you.

Alex, what is Marriage?  Wrong.

Try “What is Facebook’s “In a Relationship” status?”  Especially when you’re linked to your love.

Ever since living together lost its sinful nature, the only thing separating the Cohabitants from the Marrieds was the wedding.  The Marrieds made their commitment officially known through a grand introduction to society.  Like a debutante.  Yes, marriage is like a debutante ball for relationships.  You and your partner are saying, “Look at us! We are joining the ’till death do us part’ crowd and we want all of you to know.  And isn’t this a pretty dress?”

And then Facebook came along and turned even the time honored tradition of marriage on its head.  Because who needs a lavish party or $20,000 of debt to let everyone know you’re together?  Now, with just a couple of clicks of the mouse you two lovebirds are essentially married.

Joint Decision
The “In a Relationship” status change is a decision best made together.  It may even be your first big decision as a couple.  Remember, nothing will creep an individual out faster than finding a relationship status change without proper discussion (“He wants to be ‘In a Relationship’?!? What on earth?”).  Just like deciding to get married takes lots of consideration and communication, so does making a status change.

Community Involvement
Blazing your “In a Relationship” status to the entire world is a big deal.  And with Boomers joining  Facebook at record speeds it’s important that whoever you’re linking yourself to relationally be someone you’re fine with bringing home to mom and dad.

Public Humiliation
The Facebook relationship status also sets you up for possible relationship humiliation.  Ok, humiliation is a bit strong.  But if you two decide that you can’t stay together, even for the kids’ sake, people will be reading your business like you’re on the cover of US Weekly.  And everyone will notice because there is nothing more intriguing as relationship status change in the mini-feed.

With living together before marriage being socially acceptable and Facebook making our relationships legitimate in the eyes of our community, has marriage officially become an outdated social construct?

My husband and I don’t have children, but for some reason we were discussing the state of the Nashville public school system.  There are obviously tons of ways to improve the education system, and one way is to let teachers teach.

At some point in time someone decided that teachers needed to be role models, counselors, disciplinarians, administrators, and truancy officers.  All these other hats took away from their ability to do their most important job – teaching.

Instead of being tired from wearing so many hats, teachers should just start taking them off.  Define their role in student’s life (i.e. teach Algebra), and do only that.

What happens when the kids need a counselor?  Or someone to make sure they are not skipping?  Well, whoever has those jobs will do those tasks.  It shouldn’t be the teacher’s problem, and a simple “no” should settle it.

I realized the same thing goes for our relationships.  Sometimes we take on roles that we don’t really want.  Or give others roles that they aren’t able to take.  There may be roles that you play, but at the detriment of other more fun roles.  And then we become tired or frustrated because it’s simply too much.

What role did you expect to play when you began this relationship?  What role do you find yourself playing?  Are you happy with your role?  If not, how would you change your role?

She insists that you don’t compliment her enough.

He says you’re only with him for his money.

When you’re on the receiving end of statements like this, it’s human to become defensive. Defensiveness means no one is being heard. Two people not listening quickly becomes two people yelling.

Is it possible to love someone enough to listen, even when it hurts? If you conciously decide to not become defensive, can you hear her insecurity? Can choosing to listen allow you to hear his fear?