Sometimes it’s weird to me that we humans have so many books on sex. I mean, rabbits and cats don’t seem to have any problem figuring out what’s up so why is it so hard for us? Aren’t we supposed to be the smart ones here on earth?
Well, we are smart which means we’ve made things very complicated. And by complicated I mean that for us humans sex is often much more than a physical need. For most healthy human beings, sex is just as much about our emotional and spiritual needs.
And that’s where the books come in. To help us figure out why it isn’t always as simple as This Part going into That Part.
The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women is hands down my favorite book on the subject on the making of the love. Before reading this book I had assumed that for a man sex was simply something he enjoyed and wanted to do as often as possible. Like smoking a cigar. This book helped me understand how very wrong I was. Men use sex to answer really important questions like “Is she happy?”,”Am I doing my job as a man?” or “Are we connecting?”. You can only imagine what it does to a man when his woman is unresponsive or dismissive towards his sexual/intimacy needs.
It also helped me gain a better understanding of what I, as a woman, wanted out of sex. Women often use sex to guage how desirable their men find them. Sometimes this is a bad thing (Ladies, KNOW that thou art hot), but it’s also natural. We aren’t going to be in the mood if we feel like we’re simply the means to an orgasmic end.
Understanding what both of you need out of your sex life can make it
significantly more fulfilling.
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is another great one, especially if you’re a Christian looking for an honest conversation about the purpose of sexuality in a relationship. Lots of Christian books that discuss sex are vague at best, letting the reader know that God wants you to enjoy sex… but not TOO much. Aye.
In my opinion, Christians have not done the best job of developing healthy sexual beings. The message that sex is a shameful and dirty act until you sign a marriage certificate is confusing at best. I think this book does a great job of talking openly and honestly about sex with a population that often has no idea what to do with the subject.
Since Dr. Leman is a marriage counselor he spends time talking about how our sexual history (or lack thereof) affects our attitudes towards sex. It’s so important for couples to realize that we’re bringing so much more into the bedroom than just body parts. We’re bringing every thought our parents exposed us to about sex, every one night stand, every sexually abusive act, every insecurity we’ve had about performance or appearance. All of it is in the bedroom with you and acknowledging this is a great way to be both physically and emotionally naked/vulnerable with your partner.
Those are my two suggestions… anyone else know of any great books on how to “do the deed”?
Ok. So the video is kind of weird. But I can’t listen to this song without thinking how true this is for some couples. We scream, yell and torture our partners all because deep down underneath it all we’re terrified of being left alone and somewhere along the way we learned that all this pain meant love.
My favorite lines are: Can’t you tell that this is all just a contest?
The one that wins will be the one that hits the hardest
But baby I don’t mean it
I mean it, I promise
Not only do I love this song and its spot on description of some types of relationships I love that there is a book that tells you how to get past all the unnecessary nastiness. That’s right. There’s a way to fix a relationship that resembles the movie Misery.
If you can in any way see your relationship in this song I would highly suggest reading Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. No one gets to the heart of relationship problems the way Dr. Sue Johnson does. No. one.
*That link is an affiliate link. Just so you know.
I got Crush It by Gary Vaynerchuk in the mail yesterday and had it finished in no time. Partly because it was short, and partly because it is awesome.
One thing that I stress with couples is to do something that they love and find purpose in. Spending your time hating your job will wreak havoc on your health and relationships. Invest time and energy in developing a career that fits you.
The Noticer by Andy Andrews is a blend of fiction and personal growth. Jones is ‘The Noticer’ and he basically goes around town helping people gain perspective. Sometimes he does this by reminding people that they are still breathing and should be living. Other time he does this by pointing out that we don’t have forever and rearranging priorities may be important.
I have read enough “personal growth” books to feel bored with the typical style. Andrews’ ability to weave a story into basic wisdom is impressive. Many will be familiar with the advice given, but its new format will open your ears up one more time.
The Noticer proved to be a great relationship book, too. Jones is able to help a couple gain insight into a marital problem that was, in reality, small but felt huge enough to call it quits. He also offers an interesting perspective on asking for forgiveness and what it means to ‘repent’, or turn from your old ways. Forgiveness is such a huge part of repairing a marriage that I believe this book’s ability to bring a fresh and practical understanding of the topic alone makes the book worth a look.
Overall, I really enjoyed the book and it’s ability to dress old wisdom in a new way.
Andy Stanley’s book The Principle of the Path: How to get from where you are to where you want to be gives a wonderfully simple explanation for why you are where you are. Many of us have dreams that have not become reality yet. We wonder why our goals haven’t been achieved, why our marriages are in shambles. In this book Stanley simply asks, “What path are you on right now?” This question is the core of the Stanley’s Principle of the Path because the path you choose to follow will lead you to a destination, whether you like it or not.
The beauty of this book is that it has the power to speak to any situation in your life, including your marriage. Stanley is able to draw on the abundant wisdom of Proverbs without ever seeming preachy or theologically complicated. Though not a “how to” book by any means, in Chapter 4 he talks about a prayer that he and his family use to make important decisions that I believe would be beneficial for any family to use.
This book is not technically a marital resource, but I would encourage any couple thinking about marriage to read it. Remembering that your marriage is path with a destination will help you better evaluate if this person is the best choirce for getting where you’d like to be.
The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage
. No one gets to the heart of relationship problems the way Dr. Sue Johnson does. No. one.
