Nashville Marriage Studio

Sometimes it’s weird to me that we humans have so many books on sex. I mean, rabbits and cats don’t seem to have any problem figuring out what’s up so why is it so hard for us? Aren’t we supposed to be the smart ones here on earth?

Well, we are smart which means we’ve made things very complicated. And by complicated I mean that for us humans sex is often much more than a physical need. For most healthy human beings, sex is just as much about our emotional and spiritual needs.

And that’s where the books come in. To help us figure out why it isn’t always as simple as This Part going into That Part.

The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women is hands down my favorite book on the subject on the making of the love. Before reading this book I had assumed that for a man sex was simply something he enjoyed and wanted to do as often as possible. Like smoking a cigar. This book helped me understand how very wrong I was. Men use sex to answer really important questions like “Is she happy?”,”Am I doing my job as a man?” or “Are we connecting?”. You can only imagine what it does to a man when his woman is unresponsive or dismissive towards his sexual/intimacy needs.

It also helped me gain a better understanding of what I, as a woman, wanted out of sex. Women often use sex to guage how desirable their men find them. Sometimes this is a bad thing (Ladies, KNOW that thou art hot), but it’s also natural. We aren’t going to be in the mood if we feel like we’re simply the means to an orgasmic end.

Understanding what both of you need out of your sex life can make it
significantly more fulfilling.

 
Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage is another great one, especially if you’re a Christian looking for an honest conversation about the purpose of sexuality in a relationship. Lots of Christian books that discuss sex are vague at best, letting the reader know that God wants you to enjoy sex… but not TOO much. Aye.

In my opinion, Christians have not done the best job of developing healthy sexual beings. The message that sex is a shameful and dirty act until you sign a marriage certificate is confusing at best. I think this book does a great job of talking openly and honestly about sex with a population that often has no idea what to do with the subject.

Since Dr. Leman is a marriage counselor he spends time talking about how our sexual history (or lack thereof) affects our attitudes towards sex. It’s so important for couples to realize that we’re bringing so much more into the bedroom than just body parts. We’re bringing every thought our parents exposed us to about sex, every one night stand, every sexually abusive act, every insecurity we’ve had about performance or appearance. All of it is in the bedroom with you and acknowledging this is a great way to be both physically and emotionally naked/vulnerable with your partner.

Those are my two suggestions… anyone else know of any great books on how to “do the deed”?