Nashville Marriage Studio

I’m a huge encourager of finding “mentor couples”, especially during your first few years of marriage.  It’s difficult to transition into being a married person, and finding a couple you can confide in is so important during those crucial early years.

It can be difficult to find a mentor couple for many reasons.  Some times we aren’t around many relationships that we’d actually want.  Or the couple is just too different.  Or no one seems to be dealing with issues that we are faced with. 

I understand.  So I’m starting a “series” (I hate to call something a “series” because that seems to be the kiss of death for any idea I have, but I’m going with it) called Real Life Couple and I will feature real life couples that are successfully navigating different life stages or relationship issues.  I’m super excited about this because it will give couples an opportunity to get quasi-mentorship.  Which is better than nothing, right?

The first couple for this series is Mindy and Phil from Phindy Studios.  They are Nashville wedding photographers and can I just say, “Ohmigoodness.  I love their work”?  Of course I can.  It’s my blog. 

I found them on Ashley’s Bride Guide, where all bridal goodness can be found, and not only did I love their work I loved that their partnership allowed them to do something that they love (photography) together.  Most couples can’t stand spending the evening after work together, much less the whole day!  I wanted to know their secret.

I hunted them down and asked for an email interview, which they so graciously provided…

Being photographers means helping couples tell their story.  What is your story?  How did you meet?  How long have you guys been married?  Have any kids? 

    We met 7 years ago through work.  Mindy worked for the concert promoter that put on “Dancin’ In The District” and Phil designed all of the event’s branding and marketing materials.  It took us a couple months, but we became friends and started dating soon after.
    We dated for 3 years then Phil proposed.  We will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary on July 9th!  We have no kids yet but they are in our near future. We promised each other we would travel through Europe before kids, hopefully we can find time to do that this fall.

Takeaway:  Dating for at least 2 years is one of the best predictors of a successful marriage.
And being married does not mean your dreams of traveling through Europe die.
All it means is that now you’ve got a travel buddy.  For life.  Which is cool.

How did you know Mindy/Phil was “The One”?

    Mindy:  I have no good answer for this, it’s cliche’ but I just knew.  He has a good heart and I couldn’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. 

    Phil: Have you ever met someone and you just felt like you already knew them?  I instantly felt comfortable around Mindy, we just clicked.  I always wanted to be around her, spend time with her and get to know everything about her.  I can’t imagine my life without her.  That and she is a hottie

Takeaway:  They enjoy being around each other.  This is really important, especially when you decide to work together.  And that’s just adorable that Phil called Mindy a hottie.

Were you professional photographers before you got married?  If not, how did your marriage/relationship encourage you guys to pursue this dream? 

Phil did commercial photography quite often because of his design job and Mindy always had a love for photography and it was passion for both of us.  After we got married, our wedding photographer, Alison Bynum, encouraged us to pursue it and 2nd shoot (like shadowing) with other photographers.  We were pretty much hooked after that first wedding. We worked hard to make this a viable full time business option for us both.  We loved the idea of being our own bosses and working together from home, we also both wanted to be home when we had kids.

Takeaway:  There is nothing better than doing something you enjoy with someone you love.  You don’t have to turn it into your career like Mindy and Phil, but definitely make those activities priorities in your life.

Working with your spouse means that the work/life lines becoming even more blurry.  How do you guys handle separating work time and personal time? 

We’d be lying if we said we weren’t still working on this.  It’s a constant struggle to have a balance of life, especially at this time of year, but at least we are aware that it is something we need to work on.  It’s definitely something we want to have under control by the time we start a family.  Luckily we have some great photographer friends in the area that help us remember to have a social life and do fun things together, even if we usually end up just talking about our work!

Takeaway:  “But at least we are aware that it is something we need to work on.”  I love this answer because it is so true.  Most relationship issues, like balancing work and life, never go away.  It’s just life.  The only thing you can really do is recognize that it is a struggle and be proactive towards keeping it a minimal problem. 

What is it about your couplehood that makes working together possible?

I think what makes it possible is that we both really want it.  We want to work together and a big motivator is that we want to have a successful business that will allow us to work from home and raise a family.  It’s definitely a challenge, considering that we share a 10×10 office, but we just try to not eat loud foods and type too loudly

Takeaway:  This is a great example of why it’s so important for couples to have goals.  Goals allow a couple to ignore the little issues (loud typing) to focus on the bigger picture (dreams of working together and raising a family).

What is the hardest part of working together?

The hardest thing about working together is just remembering that this is your spouse, not just a business partner.  Sometimes you can get wrapped up in the stress and emotion of a moment and forget you are talking to the person you love.  It takes a conscious effort to mix work and your relationship.  It is something we are still learning and working on and that’s just it, you have to keep working on it and growing.  You need both tough skin and kid gloves!

Takeaway:  I swear I love this couple.  Tough skin and kid gloves is amazing advice.  Follow it.

One of my favorite things about your photography, especially the engagement shots, is your ability to capture the personality of the couple.  Sometimes the couple is trendy and look like they belong on the cover of Rolling Stone and other times they are playful (like the ones with the Uno cards).  When you work with a couple what are some characteristics that you see that make you think, “THIS is a great couple”.

This is a hard question!  For us I think that anytime a couple laughs a lot together that is always a good indicator.  Also, I think you can just tell if a couple is genuinely happy & comfortable together.  We seriously find something great about all our clients, everyone has something unique and interesting to bring to the table, like loving UNO for instance. 

Thank you so much, Mindy and Phil, for sharing your relationship and all this wonderful advice!

Reason No. 2 – Sex and money.  Enough said.  Sex and money are two of the biggest problems newly married couples face.  I think the biggest reason is because it’s so personal, so intimate.  We’ve been taught to keep the topic of money private, don’t share your salary and whatnot.  So when you become One with another, how are you supposed to unlearn all that secrecy?

And married sex?  It’s different.  It’s great. No question about that.  It IS sex, afterall.  But how much sex is normal?  Will we lose our spark?  What if we waited? How do we get past everything in our head that says we aren’t supposed to be doing this? 

Lots of questions, and Bound Together has some of the answers.

Reason No. 3 – You’ll define success. This is your relationship.  You get to define what it means to succeed and what it means to fail.  At the Bound Together workshop we’ll talk about what success is for YOUR relationship.  How are you guys going to know that things are going well?  That you’re succeeding.  What are you deciding will be signs that you’re going through a rough patch?  What is your plan to succeed?  More importantly, what is your plan for when you’re failing?

Reason No. 4 – You’re less likely to end your relationship while on national television.  I watched Jon and Kate’s big announcement last night.  They’re getting divorced.  I bawled.  What about their vows?  Their kids? Their love story?  It was heart wrenching, and you could see the hurt in both of their eyes.  All of this playing out for our entertainment.

Odds are you’re not going to be on a reality show detailing your everyday lives.  But with Facebook, Twitter and blogging we are tad more public with our personal lives than ever before.  There is something about having an audience that makes failure sting extra hard. Especially when it comes to something as personal as marriage.

Jon and Kate did not have problems so big and huge that they could not overcome them.  They had lots of small problems that built up over time.  And these small problems settled in and created a hardness in their hearts towards one another. 

Bound Together focuses on learning to communicate in a way that prevents the build up of small problems.  It also makes it less likely that you’ll have to change that Facebook status from “married” to “single” for all your world to see.

Reason No. 5 – Confidence in your relationship.  Even the best couples get nervous about the walk down the aisle.  Couples who claim they aren’t nervous are, how do I say this nicely, lying.  Or delusional.  You’re making one of the biggest decisions of your entire life.  Nervousness is a good and normal thing.

Sometimes, however, we aren’t just nervous, we’re not confident.  We aren’t sure we’re making the right choice or we wonder if his snoring will eventually become a deal breaker.  What if we’re unable to handle our differences? 

Taking a close look at our differences gives each partner the assurance that this person is marrying me for me.  And there isn’t a better wedding present in the world.

Reason No. 6 – You’ll be a better dad. Today is Father’s Day, and most of us are telling our dad’s how much they mean to us and how thankful we are that they donated sperm.  It’s a truly special day.  At Bound Together you’re going to learn skills that will make you a better dad.  First, you’re 30% more likely to be around.  Second, you’re going to love their mother in an amazing way.  And third, you’re going to have a better sex life become of that amazing love.  And sex, my friends, makes babies and babies make you parents.

Reason No. 7 – All your dreams will come true. Ok, all your dreams won’t necessarily come true.  But we will go through exercises where you will practice telling each other what you want in your relationship.  This seems simple, but so often we fall into thinking that our significant other should just know what we’re thinking and what we want.  This is not true.  Good communication will get you want, not mind reading.

Reason No. 8 - Bound Together gives a name to all your fiance’s weird quirks. 

Why does she think I need to know what she ate for lunch? 

Why does he get mad when I show up just a LITTLE bit late? 

Why does she cry whenever that jewelry commercial come on? 

I cleaned the entire house for her, why doesn’t she appreciate me?

All these questions are answered and more… Seriously, sign up already!

Reason No. 9 - Bound Together is a great date night idea.  The point of a date night is not to simply sneak in a movie and dinner at Logan’s.  Date night should be something fun that allows you to grow closer as a couple.  Sitting in a movie theater doesn’t typically do that.

The Bound Together Workshop splits your premarital education into two sessions.  The first session is Friday night (June 26th) and you guys are going to learn about all your personality quirks and how they may play out in your marriage.  This night will leave you with plenty to talk about when you get home.  Lots of conversation, lots of new ideas brought up, lots of connection.  After the first session plan to continue the Workshop/Date Night at a restaurant for dessert or head to a coffee shop to keep the conversation going.

It’s 10 days until Nashville Marriage Studio’s FIRST Premarital Education Workshop. I’m not sure if I can contain my excitement.

In honor of the premiere of Bound Together, I am counting down the days Dave Letterman style one day at a time…

10 Reasons You Really Want To Be At Bound Together:

10 – Bound Together will save you money. And not just because you get a $60 discount on your TN marriage license. No, I’m talking bigger picture, People. Getting premarital education decreases the likelihood of getting a divorce by 30%.

That means you’re 30% less likely to file for divorce (which is expensive).

You’re 30% less likely to hate your life because your marriage sucks and happy people make more money.

You’re also 30% less likely to ever have to do any of this wedding stuff over again. Ok, doing the wedding stuff over again would be kind of fun. How about, you’re 30& less likely to have to pay for any of this wedding stuff all over again? Much better.

Bound Together. It’s like money in your pocket.