I love blogs and I love Love so it only makes sense that I’d love Ryan and Rebecca. Ryan is one of the founders of Brazen Careerist and Rebecca sells toilet paper with Alice and is a conversation starter on her site Kontrary, which basically makes them the Kennedys of The Internet.
I was ecstatic when they agreed to do a Couple Spotlight. They are at the forefront of the conversation about how Gen Y is doing the career thing so I was sure their thoughts on love were going to be just as spot on.
And I was right. As usual.
Ok, let’s meet Ryan and Rebecca!
How long together?
3 1/2 years
When did you know this person was The One?
Ryan:
I knew Rebecca was the one the first time I stalked her on Facebook before we had met in person. She used to comment on my blog when she was living in Madison and I was in DC, and by comment I mean she used to tell me how stupid my ideas were and how much better hers were. So when I realized I was moving to Madison, I did some good old fashioned Facebook stalking. I remember looking through her photos and daydreaming about us being together. As luck would have it, about 18 months later we were!
Rebecca:
Ha! Yes, Ryan and I did meet through blogging, and I was inspired to start my blog after reading his because I felt like I had a different voice to add to the conversation.It was just by coincidence that he moved to the city I was living in at the time. The first time I saw him, everything else disappeared. I didn’t believe in “The One” before that, but I knew when I saw him. We were friends for about a year first. I was dating someone else at the time, and Ryan was very deep into starting and running his business. But we would have coffee or drinks every few weeks, and then finally the stars aligned for us to start dating.
What is the most brag-worthy quality in your partner?
Ryan:
I love how genuine and honest Rebecca is. No matter how she is feeling or what is on her mind, she will let me and anyone else we are with know it, in a respectful way. I really admire this trait, as it’s something I try to do as much as possible, but it does not come natural to me. I wish more people were as honest as Rebecca is.
Rebecca:
Ryan is patient and persistent. I think this makes for an amazing mix. The patience allows him to be very calm, laidback and understanding, while his persistence allows him to be very driven and ambitious.
What is your proudest accomplishment as a team?
Rebecca:
We keep each other healthy. We eat good food, and exercise together, which is one of my favorite things. I love going on walks and jogs together, and exploring DC that way (although Ryan has much longer legs, which means he’s faster… so not fair!). I’m also really proud of how we unconditionally support each other with our businesses and careers.
Ryan:
Agreed! I love our walks and jogs more than anything, and as far as I’m concerned you will always have my unconditional support! My proudest accomplishment is how well we now communicate with each other. Rebecca has always been better at this than me, but we now are able to talk about things and resolve any issues before they get blown out of proportion.
Rebecca:
Hm, I’ve always thought you were the better communicator.
What is the biggest hurdle you’ve overcome as a team?
Rebecca:
There have been many! I think moving to DC was certainly one of them. It was a tough transition for me since Ryan already had connections, friends and a real office with co-workers here, and I arrived with no friends, connections, and work remotely from home.
Ryan:
Yeah, and now Rebecca has twice as many friends as I do. Surprise, surprise
I would add that taking care of household duties is one of the hurdles that we are constantly trying to overcome. I won’t say we’re perfect, we still have to deal with day to day stuff like who cleans up, who does the dishes etc. etc. but we are getting better every day and we’ll continue to work on it.
Rebecca:
Oh yes, the household duties are an ongoing hurdle.
Marie’s Note: Splitting up household chores is one of the most common problems I hear about and the one that counseling seems to have no affect on… sorry, guys!
What was the best year of your relationship? Why?
Ryan:
It probably sounds cliche but every year that we are together is the best year. Time only makes our relationship stronger, more loving and more fun and I expect this to continue for the next 100 years!
Rebecca:
The past six months since we moved into downtown DC have been really great for me. I love where we live, I love that we’re at a level that we communicate about anything and everything. Professionally, I think we’re both on track. I really feel like life has started to come together for us.
What was the hardest year of your relationship? Why?
Rebecca:
The first year we started dating, Ryan was so different from other men I had dated, that it was difficult for me to realize that I didn’t have to play games or start drama for him to pay attention to me. There were also some trust issues that we had to move past.This past year, the challenge has been ensuring that I am not swamped by our relationship, especially being in DC. I’ve had to learn that a relationship doesn’t mean you have to compromise yourself, being independent, and your own goals. Ryan has been incredibly supportive throughout, thankfully.
Ryan:
I can’t say there was a particularly difficult year for any reason, but the hardest year was probably the first year we were together. Figuring out how to best communicate with each other, how to know when the other person is in a good mood or a bad mood, what types of things we like to do together and how often we should be hanging out at each others places etc. are all the things that you figure out in the first year, and its important to pay attention to all the little things, so that the relationship can get better with time.
What is one thing a couple can start doing today to change their relationship?
Ryan:
Communicate. I’ve said this multiple times now, but I can’t stress how important it is to be open and honest and talk it out.
Rebecca:
Totally cliche, but communication is so key. What I love about how Ryan and I communicate is that a lot of times I will want to stay angry or upset about something and Ryan will make me laugh, or tell me how cute I am when I’m angry. He let’s me know that it’s okay to be upset or angry. That’s huge.
Marie’s Note: This is Gottman’s advice in action! Making each other laugh or doing something to lower the pressure is key to success in a relationship.
What tips/advice do you have for couples going through a hard time (either with each other or just life in general)?
Rebecca:
Everything will work out, it always does. And just recognize that you are going to have bad times, and that’s completely okay.
Ryan:
Never stop supporting each other. Having someone who is always in your corner, no matter how tough a situation, is really important and can get you through anything. Even if you have differing views or opinions, its important that you respect your partner enough to support their choices, help them and cheer them on.
