Nashville Marriage Studio

You know how on Cribs they always say “this is where the magic happens” when they show you the master bedroom and you kind of roll your eyes because “C’mon, Beiber, you’re, like, 12″.

Well, this is going to be like my personal episode of Cribs and I’m going to show you “where the magic is happening” at present.

This is my newly designed office (thank you, Blend!)

This is where you and your fiance can learn to love and grow and prepare for a marriage that excites you.

I had a table at a bridal show last year hoping to introduce brides to the idea of premarital counseling. I mean, most people think that premarital counseling is something only pastors do (so non-Christians don’t do it) or that it’s something that only couples who don’t like each other do (so couples with rose-colored glasses don’t do it).  I wanted to let couples know that premarital counseling is fun (I’m fun, I swear!) and important (you are promising forever, right?) and that they should seriously consider it in the midst of decisions about flowers and dresses and sparkly unicorns.

Oh, no one else had sparkly unicorns at their wedding? Interesting.

Anyways, one of the brides at the show stopped at my table, read my sign, barely acknowledged my presence and said (very snootily) “Premarital counseling? I don’t need that” and walked away.

On the outside I had no reaction and directed my attention to the next bride on her way to the table. Internally, however, I gave the girl a stern lecture on the importance of preparing for a huge commitment (like marriage) and that I felt sorry for her fiance having to marry someone with such a snotty attitude.

Needless to say, I was peeved. And it wasn’t so much because she was snotty (though that was probably 58% of the reason). It was because of the attitude that implied counseling was only for couples who had a bad relationship. That stereotype upsets me because the couples that I’ve seen in premarital counseling are often some of the happiest and most well-adjusted couples ever. Now, I have had couples who had serious issues to iron out, but for the most part my engaged couples are doing everything they can to keep their marriage healthy. These couples aren’t waiting for affairs or years of drifting apart to learn to deal with their issues. These couples are dealing with it now, while they have happiness and love and sparkly unicorns on their side.

And I would just like to applaud all couples who have decided to INVEST in premarital counseling whether they “needed” it or not.

A few weeks ago I watched a couple of kids catch a turtle. I didn’t realize you could go fishing for turtles. Or is it turtling for turtles?

Anyways, they pulled the turtle onto land and tried to get him to let go of the bait. They tugged on the line, they tapped his shell, they did anything they could think of before a lady closeby told them to stop before they got their fingers bit off.

In the midst of all of this the turtle, naturally, retreated into its shell. The turtle was scared, uncomfortable, not very trusting. I don’t think anyone watching was confused about why the turtle had retreated, we all understood it wanted to be somewhere it felt safe.

When your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance/spouse seems to be shutting down in the middle of a fight think about the turtle. Is it possible that he/she simply doesn’t feel safe? Could it be that they are confused and their gut reaction is to run to get out of potential danger, just like the turtle? Is there anything that you can do (other than continuing the fight) to get your partner to feel safe enough to come out of hiding and talk to you again?

What you do with 40+ hours of your week matters when it comes to your relationship. Because spending the majority of your time doing something you hate or that you find no value in will take a toll on your relationship. The depression, anxiety and insecurity that crappy jobs breed do not understand boundaries and will be more than happy to ooze their way into your relationship.

What are you doing to protect yourself and the person you love?

For many, we hear the dreary job reports on the news and assume that there is nothing we can do about our job situation until the economy gets better. Or until some magical job fairy comes along to save you. Whichever comes first.

Today, I would like you to step away from the excuses and introduce you to a (free) resource that can help you gain a sense of power over you job situation. This What I Know About Getting a Job is a (free) ebook from Brazen Careerist is a wonderful collection of advice from top HR professionals on tips and insights on how to get your job search truly rolling.

Here’s the thing: Deciding to take ownership of your career and finding what value you bring to the world could possibly be one of the best ways to improve your relationship.

The most common piece of advice I hear is for the couple to try and take it all in, that the day will be over before they know it. Remember to breathe, they say.

The same is true for the time that it takes for your relationship to grow from friendship, to dating, to engagement, and to marriage. It’s easy (especially for us females) to get caught up in getting to the next stage.

When you’re single you want a boyfriend.

When you have a boyfriend you want a fiance.

When you have a fiance you want a husband.

Just like you don’t want to rush through the hours leading up to your wedding day, don’t rush through the relationship leading up to your wedding day.

Remember celebrating Valentine’s Day with your single friends. Remember saying goodnight on the front porch at 3 in the morning. Remember the dreams you shared when you first started talking about building a life together.

Remember to breathe.

If you read personal development/self-help books you’ve probably heard the parable of the Jar of Rocks.

You have a jar and you have rocks in various sizes. Big rocks the size of your fist, pebble sized rocks and grain of sand rocks. The question is how do you get all the rocks into the jar?

Well, you put the big rocks in first. Then the pebbles. Then the grains of sand. Any other order would not be successful. Or so the personal development books say anyways.

So what are the big rocks in your life? What do you make sure makes it into your Franklin Covey planner, and what do you merely hope fits into the crevices of the important things?

Deep down I think we all know what the big rocks should be. They should be  our family, friends, and of course our special sweetie. But those are usually the ones we just wish we had more time for, and in the end they get the leftovers when it comes to time and attention.

A big reason that they fall into the crevices of our schedule is because we don’t have a plan (another self-help book nugget of wisdom: “Failing to plan is planning to fail”). So let me help you out:

15 minutes daily
1 evening weekly
1 weekend monthly
1 week a year

In an effort to help couples in Nashville do a better job with Love Management, I’m starting a weekly newsletter with ideas on how to work this time into your busy schedule. Just sign up here (and it’s free)!

Are you getting married within the next year? Want to do something now that will help prepare you for your future?

Then join us for a Bound Together Workshop at Wedding 101 at The Factory in Franklin!

Nashville Marriage Studio and Wedding 101 would like to invite you to spend a Saturday learning about what it takes to have a successful marriage and feel even more confident with your decision to get married.

Here’s what we’ll cover:

What kind of attitude do you need for a great marriage?

Can we really feel closer after a fight?

If you’re looking for comprehensive education on all things married life then sign up for this workshop today!
And don’t forget that in Tennessee getting premarital education
will save you $60 on your marriage license.

Details:
Location – Wedding 101 in  The Factory in Franklin, TN
Date – Saturday, July 17th
Time – 10am – 3pm
Fee – $100
Space is limited, so email Marie McKinney Oates as soon as possible to register (marie.mckinney@gmail.com)

I don’t know about you, but images from the Gulf, like the one above, break my heart. I know there are so many humans affected by this, but my heart aches for the poor animals who called the Gulf their home. That poor bird, right?!?

The thing is, our problem with the oil spill started long before an explosion on an oil rig. There was our insatiable hunger for oil, companies more interested in profit than safety and a government willing to let an industry regulate itself. These problems have been here for years, but it isn’t until a beautiful bird is covered in oil that we take a closer look.

The same thing happens in our relationships, and it is why I believe that premarital counseling and/or education is so vital to the success of a marriage. The dynamics and issues that exist on your wedding day are the same ones that may eventually lead to your own “relationship oil spill”, such as infidelity, loss of intimacy, or simply drifting apart.

I’m sure that anyone affected by the oil spill would do anything to go back 5 years in order to prevent this catastrophe, so what are you doing today to prevent a similar catastrophe in your future marriage?

Are you a married couple in the Nashville area? Looking for a way to reignite the passion and sense of partnership that existed on the day you said “I do”?

Then Spark just might be for you.

Love, Milk & Honey is debuting a new marriage retreat that encourages you to treasure your marriage in new and unique ways. For example, you’ll be given an interior design consultation, a photography session with Ulmer Studios,  and a tailored date night (that you both just get to show up at!) and various advice and talks regarding marriage.

How stinkin’ cool and “out of the box” thinking is this? I love it.

The retreat will be happening on August 20-22nd at Aloft Hotel in Franklin.

If you’re into creative ways to strengthen your marriage then I’d seriously check it out – Registration Info.