Marriage Links #007

marriage linksMarriage Links are things me, Becca, or you have found around the Internet that made you think differently about marriage. If you have written something you’d like featured here, please send it to marie.mckinney@gmail.com. I’d love to include you!

It is now becoming a trend to… wait for it… TALK about your expectations before you bring baby home.
Parents-to-be draw up pregnancy contracts in new trend via WSMV

Research says, “Happy wife, happy life.” Pay attention, Men.
A wife’s happiness is more crucial than her husband’s in keeping marriage on track via Rutgers

Are all of your physical/affection needs being met by baby? How does the hubs feel about that?
Motherhood Mondays: Who gets the best kisses? via Cup of Jo

Angels get wings every time someone writes marriage advice that doesn’t make me feel like gagging.
5 Cynical Marriage Tips Every Couple Needs to Learn via Cracked
8 Things I’ve learned about marriage via Cup of Jo

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Marriage Prep School is Open!

marriage prep 10

Marriage Prep School is officially open for enrollment and I’m beyond excited about it!

This is a program that I created after years of working with engaged and newlywed couples, and it is not like any other marriage prep currently available.

It is marriage prep created by me, a 31-year old wife and mom that would rather talk to you about the latest season of Orange is the New Black, and not an old, conservative dude that might judge you for living together before you’re married.

It is marriage prep that is beyond thorough. You will cover everything from why no one talks about Aunt Jenny’s first husband to what you guys will eat for dinner on Tuesday. No, seriously, there’s even a meal plan sheet in there.

It is marriage prep that you can do from home. And if you (or your fiancee) are introverts I know that bit of information has you like this:

It is marriage prep that encourages you two to make time for date night for the good of your relationship. Specifically, every course has a Movie Night Assignment where you two get to watch a movie and then talk about it. And the movies are all available via streaming on Netflix. And they aren’t just chick flicks. And me and the groom are like this:


Every couple has their reasons for why they do or don’t want to do marriage prep, but I’m hoping Marriage Prep School can change your mind and let you know that you CAN walk into the biggest decision of your life well prepared.

Couples that enroll in Marriage Prep School by Friday, September 19th are receiving some great bonus items so you’ll definitely want to mark this off of your Wedding To-Do list soon!

Invest in your marriage with Marriage Prep School today!

 

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NMS #004: The Fight about the Sex

Couples_feet_in_bed

Mark and I had this fight (it really wasn’t a fight, more a disconnection) while we were about to… Hint, Hint. If you are related to us in any way I would go somewhere else on the internet today. Also, it’s silent for, like, 30 seconds at the beginning and I have no clue why so that’s the head’s up.

What we talk about:

  • Mark and Marie AWKWARDLY talk about sex.
  • Mark wants too much information during the sex.
  • Mark knows better. He really does.
  • Marie is failing at life and this was the breaking point.
  • Mark saves the day with his listening ears!
  • Got back on track in, like, 5 minutes!
  • How to say stupid stuff and still get laid… our new tagline!

Links to things we talk about:

  • Marriage Prep School is out now! Get yours before Friday, Sept. 19th and get all kinds of fun bonuses!
  • We’re still in love with David and Laurel at the the RED Podcast and wanted to send a shout out their way for the inspiration.

Want our help?

We’d love to help you guys learn the skills to be able to walk through your arguments and misunderstandings with the least amount of damage possible. Check out our coaching services and find out if we’d be a good fit for you!

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“YOU @#$%… You totally looked at her boobs”

Marie and I have done numerous workshops coaching people toward better relationships, and I have had a great deal of fun talking with groups to show how we all respond similarly to an offense. My real point is how our ability to get what we want in our relationships is often very difficult because we respond so poorly.

I’d like to run that same survey for you to test on yourself. Imagine you catch your husband staring at the waitress’s breasts while she takes his order at the local Hooters.  As she waitress turns and walks away he turns to look at you, and you say…
“_____________________________________________________________________.”

Before you move on, I really want you to have an answer to this question! You catch him staring, she leaves, and then you say. “_____________________________________________________________.”

Do it, do it now!!

Now I have done this survey at least 10 times, and the following have been typical responses:
1. Did you get an eye full?
2. Give me the keys, you can walk home.
3. You’re an @#$%@#$%
4. You are sleeping on the couch.
5. Did you want to take a picture?

Let’s talk about the WHY . Let’s write down how catching him staring at her boobs is offensive.  Seriously, write it down.

Again, having done this a time or two before the answers the ladies gave are kind of similar:
1. I would feel unloved.
2. I’d feel unwanted.
3. I’d feel insecure.
4. Disrespected.
5. Embarrassed.

Now, I admit the situation is a bit over the top, but most women will tell you that the first thing they would say would be some sort of retaliation.  Why is retaliation their choice when only minutes later they can express that what they really needed was to feel loved, respected, to feel secure and confident that they were attractive and wanted?  Out of 100+ people, only one asked their partner if they where actually staring or not.  The reason WHY this happens is because we allow our emotions to control us.

BOTTOM LINE: Most of us don’t have the relationship we want because of two things:
1. The offended party doesn’t ask for what they want, instead they retaliate.
2. The offending party feels attacked so they become defensive.

Haven’t you seen this vicious cycle before?  You react, he defends, you feel more frustrated because he won’t admit what he did and so you make a few more jabs.  He gets more defensive and maybe he walks away, or yells, or maybe shuts down all together.  It happens ALL THE FREAKING TIME and its not impossible to learn to deal with, but its NOT something you just KNOW how to do, any more than you immediately knew how to walk when you were an infant.

Instead of being reactionary and choosing to retaliate or become defensive, let’s choose to look for connection.

Speaking of connection, last week Marie hinted at wanting sex and I was more than happy to comply.  SADLY, only minutes later I made a request that offended her.  While she was obviously emotional, I didn’t drop the ball… I responded well, and you should go listen to our podcast this week because we will talk all about it!

But enough about me, I really want to hear from you ladies! What would you have said in this situation and what would you have REALLY wanted?

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How to Not Become a Divorce Statistic

most likely to divorce

There is all kinds of research about which couples are most likely to divorce:

Couples that are too young.
Couples that have known each other less than 2 years.
Couples engaged for less than a year.
Couples that come from divorced homes.
Couples that live together before they get married.

All of this research can be a bit of a Debbie Downer, but there is a way to beat the odds even if you are a 21-year old from a “broken home” that met her now-fiancee 3 weeks ago!

Decide, don’t slide.
This is the best way to avoid divorce: Be intentional about the direction of your relationship. If you see marriage on the horizon talk about it, plan for it, communicate that this is where you’re headed. We slide into too many relationship decisions. We move in together because we are spending lots of time together, so why not? We get married because we’ve been together long enough, so why not? We have kids because that’s what our friends are doing, so why not?

‘Why not?’ is a great reason to try a new restaurant, but it’s a horrible reason to commit to love, cherish, and honor a person FOREVER. Look at the person you’re with, talk about the life you want to build together, and make the DECISION to love one another til death do you part.

Take control.
Deciding where you want your relationship to go is an act of taking control of your life. You aren’t letting life happen to you, YOU are happening to your life. People that believe they can influence their world, even if it is in small ways, always have hope. When you begin to assume responsibility for your actions and believe those actions have power, you are able to erase any negative effects of being young or divorced or living together before you’re married.

Change your attitude.
I’ll be talking more about this on Sunday, September 14th at 7PM, during our webinar (make sure you get your invite!), but your attitude is the ultimate deal breaker when it comes to marriage. So much of a successful marriage is about being in the right mental space, despite the circumstances. It is about being grateful, forgiving, and responsible as often as you possibly can. The sooner you figure this out (and decide to implement!) the better off you’ll be.

                                            FREE FOR THE MOMENT

        “3 Traits that Make or Break Marriage.” 

online marriage preparation counseling

  •  17 pages of Insight, Focus Questions and Explanations.
  • Couples Worksheets and Assignments to get you going
  • PLUS a KILLER Relationship experiment to test for yourself

GRAB the Sneak Peek while its still FREE.  

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Marriage Links #006

marriage linksMarriage Links are things me, Becca, or you have found around the Internet that made you think differently about marriage. If you have written something you’d like featured here, please send it to marie.mckinney@gmail.com. I’d love to include you!


This, Men of America. This. (via The Oatmeal)

Brittany at The Lily Field and her husband examined how they had changed over the course of their marriage. The marriage coach in me was basically like, “Maarrrkkkk!!! We have an assignment!”

This viral picture of a couple’s 10 year anniversary made me laugh. I love it when people are real.

This interview that Justin from Advice for My Boys did will surely put a smile on your face. THIS is the kinda man us ladies need to be looking for!

Tara at The Young Mommy Life is asking herself, “Is this worth the fight?” I think we should ask ourselves that, too.

 

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NMS 003: The Fight About the Garage Door

Mark and I had this fight about a garage door about 15 minutes before we did this podcast. For the record, makeup podcasting is not as good as makeup sexing.

What we talk about:

  • Marie’s apparent carelessness strikes again!
  • Mark gets mad. Marie might have daddy issues.
  • Does Mark want Marie to feel like crap? Maybe…
  • Can Marie be sorry instead of defensive? Maybe…

Links to things we talk about:

Want our help?

We’d love to help you guys learn the skills to be able to walk through your arguments and misunderstandings with the least amount of damage possible. Check out our coaching services and find out if we’d be a good fit for you!

Read More